2. A wise man (not in the nearest bit related to Confuscious) just answered the question that we've all been asking ourselves since time immemorial: "What is the meaning of life?"
"Life is that boring time between fucks.
--His Horniness
3. It is not cute nor amusing when you forward someone 20 useless text messages each day. In fact, it is extremely annoying! No, wait, extremely annoying is an understatement! Oh, when I say 20 each day, it's me receiving 20 forwarded messages in a span of 5 hours from one person.
4. People who can say they screw without feeling any hint of emotion towards the person they're screwing are liars. How can you not feel anything? Surely you feel disgusted whenever you fuck someone ugly? The feeling of being disgusted can be defined as an emotion. Then there comes the regret of fucking the ugly bitch or bastard. Regret is also an emotion.
5. I am sorry to break it to you Royal Watchers that Prince William is succumbing to the Nino Mulach syndrome.
Nino Mulach Syndrome (NMS) - noun. a condition wherein a child born into cuteness morphs into an ugly or fairly ugly adult, without even a hint of his or her former cuteness. Named after former child star turned Ensaymada entrepreneur Nino Mulach, who was uber cute when he was a wee little boy but is now greaseball personifed. NMS also manifests not just during the transition of humans from childhood to early-mid adulthood but also from early adulthood to seniorhood (case in point Marlon Brando). Other sufferers of NMS include Dennis Da Silva, Elijah Wood, & Snooky Serna.
6. If you don't think it's possible to injure your dick with a weights machine, think again. This certain injury has been studied by a medical expert & has been photographed & documented. You think this is stupid? Wait til you hear about the girl who tripped on both her toes at the same time. Don't make me tell the story. I myself am still dumbfounded by it, but yes, it is physically possible to trip on both toes at the same time.
7. I realized that babies are really just little persons because they sure as hell crap as plenty and as stinky as how grown humans crap.
8. Elvis is dead so get over it! And so is Saddam! So get over it too! But I think Jesus still walks the earth as a dirty ice cream vendor. Yes, believe it, and no, I'm not high on pot. I haven't smoked a joint since 2004.
9. Sharon Cuneta should be shot for destroying Joni Mitchell's Both Sides Now. She suffers what we call The Emperor's New Song Syndrome (TENS Syndrome).
The Emperor's New Song Syndrome (TENS Syndrome) - noun. it's when millions of people say, "Ang ganda ng boses ni Sharon!" and no one dare say otherwise, save for my friend Faye & I.
10. Anyone who claims to my face that they've been food-poisoned or experienced it should think twice or thrice before saying it. They should realize that I am a survivor of the REAL kind of Food Poisoning! The kind that makes you crap for 5 consecutive days, almost 24 hours each day, burning with fever, delirious from fever, and passing out from dehydration thinking that it was some sort of a cat nap! Oh, did I mention the puking part? And the part where you think it's just vomit-smelling snot coming out of your nose? And where was God when all of this happened?! He probably was smoking cannabis while going through his back-issue stash of FHM or something.
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