The Princessa

From Harriet Rubin's The Princessa, Machiavelli For Women.

1. A Princessa discovers her true strength by knowing her enemy.

2. They live their lives as people for whom triumph is a birthright.

3. From their earliest days, they mark themselves as different from others.

4. They are loners. Even with their families, they consider themselves aliens, and they recognize this as power. It doesn't embarass them, it inspires them.

5. Married or not, Princessas stand apart. Contemporary psychology praises the value of women's "connections" and relationships but the powerful women of history coveted the power of separateness. It gave them the opportunity for more than self-confidence: "self-love," which poet Walt Whitman described in his phrase "I inhabit my soul," was a feeling they understood.

6. Like children and great wild cats, Freud said, powerful women seem self-contained, mysterious, and this accounts for the fascination they exert on others.

7. Are such women born extraordinary? Or do they become extraordinary because they set themselves apart, in a psychological atmosphere where they are measured against no one's standards but their own?

8. They never consider themselves brave. Princessas feel they are doing no more than what can be done. They may know they are smart, even unique. But they don't call themselves brave. Diane Fosey, the primatologist, said heights had always made her scream, "like a baptized baby." But once she got into the jungles of Africa, she climbed ravines with the gorillas of the mist she avidly studied. These warriors relax in the face of danger the way other women relax in front of their TVs. In a tough situatioin, they behave as if they've already won, because they don't believe they can lose. They go into battle with a winner's calm. The poet Rainer Maria Rilke said, "Follow your fear." That is what heroic women do. Their greatest power comes in ridding themselves of the very thing that shamed them and making this old fear their source of pride.

9. They treat destiny as their mentor.

10. Pushed to a boiling point, princessas don't get outraged; they get outrageous!

11. Desire is the key; it reframes reality. Princessas express their desire with a diva's virtuosity. They don't hold back. They don't doubt their desire; they feel entitled to their wishes, and they use the potency of them. It is said that women are like teabags; it's only when they're in hot water that you realize how strong they are. In hot water, women's desire boils.

12. A woman who recognizes public love regards nothing and no one as firmly opposed to her. Every enemy is a potential ally. She gets close to her enemy as much as she would to a belovd. She is keen to strenghten the enemy, not weaken him or her. She uses truth as a weapon when even Sun Tzu or Stonewall Jackson advises one to "mislead, mystify, and disguise."