In memory of my precious twins...

Ode To Sadness...

Pablo Neruda

Sadness, scarab
with seven crippled feet,
spiderweb egg,
scramble-brained rat,
bitch's skeleton:
No entry here.
Don't come in.
Go away.
Go back
south with your umbrella,
go back
north with your serpent's teeth.
A poet lives here.
No sadness may
cross the threshold.
Through these windows
comes the breath of the world,
fresh red roses,
flags embroidered with
the victories of people.
No.
No entry.
Flap
your bat's wings,
I will trample the feathers
that fall from your mantle,
I will sweep the bits and pieces
of your carcass to
the four corners of the wind,
I will wring your neck,
I will stitch your eyelids shut,
I will sew your shroud,
sadness, and bury your rodent bones
beneath the springtime of an apple tree.

Don't Go Far Off...

Pablo Neruda

Don't go far off, not eve for a day, because --
because -- I don't know hw to say it: a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.

Don't leave me, even for an hour, because
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.

Oh, may your sillhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don't leave me for a second my dearest,

because in that moment you'll have gone so far
I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?

I Do Not Love You...

Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth , lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

that this: where I do not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

If You Forget Me

Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all the fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

I Crave Your Mouth...

Pablo Neruda

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me all day.
I hunt for the liquid measures of your steps.

I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.

I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,

and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,
hunting for you, for your hot heart,
like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.

If

Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait, and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk to wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - not lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but not too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Para mi amigo del corazon...

For mi amigo del corazon... I will never forget...

Standing Alone
Carmelia Delia Lanza

"And Ruth said, Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from the following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people and thy God my God..."

"Charles is where the garden will be,"
I tell my son on Palm Sunday,
the frost may still hit while we transform
the sand into soil for plants that pull me back,
an umbilical cord to my father.
I have resisted this gardening for a long time but now
I water the tree and feel this planting in my bones:
he talks about heirloom seeds from one generation to another
and my mother holds a bag of seeds in her garage,
she tells me she doesn't know what to do with them.
"The grass has taken over the garden," she says
as it should take over the world,
"I can't bend over anymore, I fall down."

Your body is over me and you ask me if I think of anyone else
while we f**k. Coming with you inside of me is not like my past.
I feel I turn myself inside out, skin is gone and I feel all
I have done, all I have meant to do brings me to this place,
the world moving night to day slowly under our bodies,
a thin moon is holding its breath, forgetting our names again.

We walk in the snow on this island where I was born,
my mother has no boots and steps in my footsteps.
The snow is up to our knees.
I have the number of the row and headstone,
my mother stops, she can't breathe,
she jokes that this would be the best place to die,
we would save some money, we could just throw her in a hole.
I keep going until I am standing over my father's half-year grave,
the wind wants to lift me over the headstone.
But I stand, a market of gravity, feeling the pull
to the center, feeling your heavy back against my breasts,
licking your black hair in the night,
no more talking, no more waving a hand, "forget about it,
"I have no moment left, no passing of fingers,
no stand of hair on my backbone,
I bury the seashells and let the wind lift me up;
my mother goes back to the car and says
she thought she was going to fall down.

I take my son to the ocean and we gather winter sand for you,
a man who is now my friend and will soon be my lover,
a seagull shivers a few feet away, looking for a warm spot.
I cannot offer him any hope while I dig with my fingers down,
your request was said as a joke and yet I take it seriously,
I will not understand your intensity until I am breathing
alone in my bed holding air that was once you.

V. much like Bridget

I was reading Bridget Jones' diary and it made me realize how much my own life is similar to hers. Too much drama, anxiety, bloopers.

Hmmm...

Quand est-ce que je vous reverrai?

3 Degrees

Quand est-ce que je vous reverrai?
Quand partagerons-nous des moments precieux ?
Est-ce que je devrai attendre pour toujours?
Ou volonte que je dois souffriret pleurent-elles toute la nuit a travers?
Quand est-ce que je vous reverrai?
Quand notre battement de coeurs ensemble?
Sommes-nous dans l'amour ou les amis justes?
Est-ce que ce mon commence ou est ceci l'extremite?
Quand est-ce que je vous reverrai?
Sommes nous dans l'amour ou les amis justes
Est ce mon commencement ou est ceci l'extremite
Quand je vous reverrai...

Sensacion Hueco y Desorientado

(Para mi amigo muy especial...)

He estado haciendo muchos de pensamiento y muchos de escritura. Tuvo que compartir algunos de mis pensamientos con usted, fingiendo el riesgo de este email que es enterrado por debajo demillares de email de por todas partes. Tambien fingiendo el riesgo de revelar demasiado de mis pensamientospero con usted puedo ser justo yo sin el un monton de mascaras y sinlas paredes que me protejo con. Espero que usted no importe.

Puesto que me volvi del viaje yo sientase tan desorientado y hueco. Nunca me he sentido asi que desarraigado en mi vida entera. No se... El viaje me cambio quiza. En alguna parte a lo largo de las 3 semanas gane quiza una ciertaperspectiva en cuanto a lo que me suponen hacer en vez de lo que yo yael hacer de la. Me siento como pertenezco un cierto lugar . Me siento como debo hacer algo mayor. ¿Siempre le dije que usted haga siempre que desee ser mejor que comoyo ya? Usted puede ser que no este enterado de el pero usted me empuja paraintentar mas dificilmente, para sobresalir aun mas, para ser aun mas ambicioso. Para tirar para la galaxia mas lejana en vez apenas de la luna y delas estrellas.

Se que soy apenas uno de los amigos de la senora de la abundanciaque usted le tiene pero agradece por ser un amigo a mi. Aprecio su amistad mas que cualquier cosa . Usted es uno muy del pocos quienes puedo relacionarme con y quienespuede entenderme. Gracias por hacerme realizan muchos de cosas. Gracias por ensenarme. Gracias por dejarme tienen una ojeada en quienes usted realmente essin ningunas mascaras. Tengo gusto de verle sin sus mascaras. Absolutamente ningunos pretentions en todos. No los muchos de gente consiguen considerar que usted sin susmascaras y yo pity las para juzgarle tan rapidamente. Deseo a veces que puedo defenderle, pero se que no necesito decir cualquier cosa para su propio motivo ypara mi propio motivo. Ambos sabemos cual es verdadero y cual no es. El es que importa, Conjeturo. Aunque me lastima porque piensan que soy un slut y una puta que debenapenas permanecer lejos de usted porque usted tiene ya una novia. Eso es que me hace triste...

Como uno de sus amigos, Espero que usted también aprenda de mi del poco que puedoofrecerle, conocimiento-sabio, experiencia-sabio. Soy ni una nieta de una justicia del Tribunal Supremo, ni una hija de un general, Soy justo yo y todo lo que tengo que ofrecer es mismo. Espero que le haga sonrisa de mi propia pequena manera. Usted siempre me hace sonrisa. Espero le ofrezca consuelo y espero haga a veces que usted se olvidesobre las cosas de las cuales usted se preocupa. Usted tiene ese efecto en mi. Usted hace que se olvida, usted me hace tranquilo. Incluso sus ronquidos en la noche cuando somos juntos en cama measeguran y tranquilizan que todo es aceptable. No entiendo como o porque pero esa es la clase de efecto ustedtiene en mi.

Tengo que admitir, y espero que usted no importe, en un momento de la claridad (puedo pedir prestada esta linea deusted?) faltare el kilolitro (incluso falto Singapur hasta este momento). No tanto como faltar el lugar sí mismo pero yo faltara laexperiencia entera que tenia. Siendo enfermo en el kilolitro, circundar la ciudad, cocinando para usted, emborrachando con usted y Dennis y Tim (y sus muchachas), satisfacer a nueva gente, nuestras conversaciones, abrazarle, masaje de usted, calmar su frente, facilitar su ceno. Sobretodo, Le faltare. Se, se... todas las partidas son temporales.

Tuve que lavar todas mis ropas otra vez para quitar el olor. El olor del acondicionador de la tela todavia esta alli. Me recuerda tanto su cojin. Las ropas que dormi adentro tienen su olor. El sarong que duermo adentro tiene manchas en el. No lave esos. La parte de mi desea olvidarse, para mi a poder funcionar correctamente. La cosa es el es dura para que se olvide. Conjeturo que soy un tonto sentimental tambien. Usted me dijo una vez que usted se olvida facilmente. Como usted lo hace? Como usted se olvida facilmente? Deseo que tenia eso en mi. No que deseo olvidarme de usted, las experiencias, los viajes. Esos que me trabare por siempre en mi mente y en mi corazon...

Recuerdo varias noches en cama, usted me pediria 20 anos de ahora si le recuerdo. Por supuesto! Como podria usted incluso pensarme se olvidara de usted? Es como usted espera que paremos el ser amigos! Seria la persona pasada en la tierra para olvidarse de usted. Usted se olvidaria quiza de mi primero pero si esa es la manera esentonces yo acaba de tener que aceptar eso. Usted piensa a veces en lo que pareceria el futuro para ambos le eI? Usted me piensa seria acertado? Usted me piensa seria casado? Usted sacudariria la mano del hombre que terminaria eventual paraarriba con? Por que usted no befriend a mi marido? (Hahahaha! Todavia pienso que usted terminaria encima de tener hijas y ningunoshijos en todos. Es su karma.), usted protegera a mis cabritos si se presenta la necesidad? Usted vendra a mi entierro? Usted vertera los rasgones para mi?

Para contestar a todas sus preguntas otra vez... Le recordare si siempre siempre. Pity y me reire si a mujer que usted terminara para arriba con. Le visitare si en Vietnam y en a cualquier pais ellos cruz-posteusted (pero solamente si usted me desea). Usted estara si en mi lista del esperma-donante. No se si usted recuerda pero cuando usted era el casi dormido queigualaba, usted dijo a mi que soy especial a usted y usted me pregunto siusted es especial a mi. Nunca le di una respuesta. Usted es si especial a mi.

Y con eso extremo de I esta letra. No espero usted conteste puesto que usted esta muy ocupado peroespero que usted guarde esto con usted siempre. La esperanza segura I usted no la suprimira.

Su amiga del corazon...

Ortigas Night Out

My bestfriend Marie recently came back from the U.S. Here are some photos of us pigging out and getting drunk at Ortigas.

My Life Path Number

11

The number 11 Life Path has the connotation of illumination describing its general focus. This is the number associated with spiritual awareness. As one of the two master numbers, the 11 yields understanding and knowledge beyond the grasp of others. The attitude toward life of those possessing this Life Path is somewhat extreme; extremely intuitive, avant-garde, idealistic, visionary, and cultured. These extremes make you an interesting, if unusual person, with much to offer society. The Life Path 11 person is deep-thinking, and you are no doubt interested in understanding many of life's mysteries and more intriguing facets. Your inventive mind and broad-minded views will permit you to succeed in life in any number of ventures. You can best serve society, however, in those endeavors utilizing your skills of counseling and guidance. Much of your idealism is people oriented and quite humanitarian in nature. You expect a great deal of yourself and of those to whom you are close.

On the negative side, there is a lot of nervous tension associated with the 11 life path, and you can be a difficult person to deal with because of this. For this reason, relationships, at times, can be difficult. This is a Life Path that seems to feature broad mood swings between the elation and depression. You are likely to have trouble making decisions and getting your life in gear, so to speak. There is a tendency for the 11 to harbor feelings of uneasiness, and dissatisfaction with accomplishments and personal progress in life. Your grandiose schemes usually make sense, but you can get off the track and they can be very impractical. You have a very distinct side that lacks common sense, and you are quite often unable to distinguish between fantasy and reality. In this regard, you are perhaps more of a dreamer than a doer. When you do get on target, your ideas seem to have been inspired on high. Perhaps you are not a leader, but you are a visionary and a very talented idea person.

Birthday Calculator

You entered: 9/12/1979

You were born on a Wednesday
under the astrological sign Virgo.
Your Life path number is 11.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2444128.5.
The golden number for 1979 is 4.
The epact number for 1979 is 2.
The year 1979 was not a leap year.

As of 6/8/2005 12:39:13 AM CDT
You are 25 years old.
You are 309 months old.
You are 1,343 weeks old.
You are 9,401 days old.
You are 225,624 hours old.
You are 13,537,479 minutes old.
You are 812,248,753 seconds old.

There are 96 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 26 candles on it.

Those 26 candles produce 26 BTU's,
or 6,552 calories of heat (that's only 6.5520 food Calories!) .
You can boil 2.97 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Your birth tree is

Weeping Willow, the Melancholy

Beautiful but full of melancholy, attractive, very empathic, loves anything beautiful and tasteful, loves to travel, dreamer, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with, demanding, good intuition, suffers in love but finds sometimes an anchoring partner.

There are 200 days till Christmas 2005!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waning gibbous.

Countdown

Two more months.....

Two more months and I'm off to a well-deserved month-long hiatus/vacation.
Two more months and I'll be having my own tan lines.
Two more months and I'll be splurging money on some shopping.
Two more months and I can't hardly wait...

to see you
touch you
feel you
kiss you
embrace you.

Tell Me Lies

If I could turn the page
The time that I'd be arranged
Is today to
~Close my, close my, close my eyes~
But I couldn't find a way
So I'll settle for one day
To believe in you
~Tell me, tell me, tell me lies~

(Chorus)
Tell Me Lies, tell me sweet little lies
~Tell Me Lies, Tell me tell me lies~
Oh no no, you can't disguise
~You can't disguise, no you can't disguise~
Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies

And though I'm not making plans
I hope that you understand
There's a reason why
~Close your, close your eyes~
No more broken hearts
We're better off apart
Let's give it a try
~Tell me, tell me lies~

(Repeat Chorus)

If I could turn the page
The time that I'd be arranged
Is today to
~Close my, close my, close my eyes~
But I couldn't find a way
So I'll settle for one day
To believe in you
~Tell me, tell me, tell me lies~

(Repeat Chorus)

--Fleetwood Mac

Another Favorite Bloom...

Feeling triumphant

I never thought I'd last 6 months at work, but I did it! Somehow I feel triumphant because I'm doing something totally different from what I normally do. It just feels good to know you can be good at something else.

Let's see if I'll last a year...

Bad, But So Damn Beautiful...

Bad because you don't love me
Bad because you never touch me
Bad because you have a mouth
Bad because whenever you please

Bas as lies
Bad breath, constipation
Bad as censorship
As a bald rat in garbage
Bad as poverty
As a driver's license photo
Bas as a rubber check
As smacking your granny

Bad as trichinosis Bad as a hit man
Bad as spiders
Bad and full of cunning

Bad as order, decency, or a good conscience
Bad wherever you look
Bad as a throbbing root canal
Bad as a rusty nail
Bad as a Czech film
Bad as a cold soup
Bad as the end of the century

Bad by nature
Bad from head to foot
Bad, bad, bad
Bad, but so damn beautiful

LILIANA FELIPE

May I Never Die, May I Never Disappear.

I am drunk, crying, filled with grief,
Thinking, speaking,
And this I finde inside:
May I never die,
May I never disappear.
There, where there is no death,
There, where death is conquered,
Let it be there that I go.
May I never die,
May I never disappear.

Ms. "Cantares mexicanos," fol. 17 v.
NEZAHUALCOYOTL
Trece Poetas del Mundo Azteca
Miguel Leon-Portilla

My Favorite Blooms II

Family Ties II

I hate the kind of family I was born into. I hate the blood running in my veins. There..... I said it.

My family's going through very rough times right now and I'm feeling the pressure. I wish it were financial issues because at least that's easy to solve. Money is easy to come by. It's far more complicated than that, sad to say.

Simply put... my family is falling apart & I can't take it anymore.

From busy bee to couch potato.

Been very busy lately with a lot of work. Don't even have time for myself. Surfing the internet has become a luxury for me.

But just when I think I won't have time to relax, my schedule clears up the very last minute. I could've went to Boracay with some friends. I could've planned a fabulous weekend. But no.....

Here I am, stuck at home, with nothing to do. I guess a date with the DVD player sounds ok at this point.

Everybody's Changing

by Keane

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can

You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same

(instrumental)

You're gone from here
Soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
'cos everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same

(solo)

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same

Family ties...

My family is falling apart. Since the death of my grandmother a year ago, things haven't been the same. It's like she took all the happiness with her when she died.

My 80 year old grandfather have had several girlfriends within months of her death. For a military man, he is weak when it comes to women. I don't know if he just misses having someone, or if he's reeling from the death of his lifelong partner. The latest one caused a lot of tension & drama between family members, including myself. This gold-digging bitch almost married my grandpa days before my grandma's 1st year death anniversary. You can just imagine what kind of drama was going on here at home and at my grandpa's house. Good thing the wedding didn't push through. I hope to God it never will.

Lately, I've been noticing my dad has this faraway look on his face. He's been a lot cranky, too. I guess it was because of the argument he & my mom had with my grandpa last Christmas. They were arguing about the gold-digging girlfriend. They haven't spoken to each other until last week. It was my grandma's 1st year death anniversary.

My aunts are aggitated over what's been happening. I keep on telling them to come home and help take care of grandpa, but it seems like an unfair request since they do have their own families in the United States. It's just that it's unfair to my dad, as well as to myself, to be burdened with such huge responsibilities like taking care of him as well as managing the entire family business. My dad has his work & he wants no part of the family business. I have my own work, my own life, and I feel like they expect too much from me. How can they expect me to take care of an 80-year old man? How can they expect me to take care of a real estate business when they know very well I have no concrete knowledge of running such business, save for the things they've taught me? How can they expect me to take care of a farm & other properties? I can easily just say no to all of those, but I made a promise to my grandma when she was still alive to take care of everything, to look after the family, to keep everyone and everything together. I just don't understand why me...

My friend told me I shouldn't be responsible for everything since I am only the granddaughter. He told me my grandpa is his children's responsibility. I know that. But how can they take care of him when they're far away? How can they take care of him when they have their own families, their own responsibilities, their own problems to deal with? I am bound to my promise to my grandma, my promise to my dad to help him out. Everyone depends on me.

Sometimes I get to thinking, am I really the only one they can depend on? I have cousins, my sister, my uncle. But that also answers my question. Yes, I am the only one. My uncle is an alcoholic, my cousins are weak. The rest are in the U.S. & they haven't even set foot in this country. They know nothing about what kind of family they have here in Manila. They won't be able to handle all of those. My sister is an entire problem herself.

I can't even begin how to describe her. If I do, you'd think I have but bad words to say about her. I guess you just have to experience living with her to know what I mean.

She's a very vulnerable person. Very gullible & very weak. She trusts her friends more than she does her own family. Nothing wrong with that except she's friends with the wrong people. She doesn't know how to choose her friends, which brought her a lot of harm. I've since left her alone to do her own thing. She just hates me more fore guiding her and trying to remind her. I can only do so much, you know. The rest is up to her. I just can't stand seeing her ruin her life like that. My parents are on the verge of giving up on her. I actually want them to give up on her. In my own opinion, she does not deserve the patience my parents show her. But who am I to say that. I'm not a parent.

Yesterday, I came home from work, wondering why my dad's car was parked in the garage. I went in the house, my mom greeted me, and the look on her face gave her away. Something went awfully wrong with my sister..... AGAIN.

I have always had a gut feeling that my sister was up to no good, again. I just kept my mouth shut because she already thinks we don't trust her. Then I found out she's still seeing the married guy. I just lost it. I was so angry I couldn't even cry. I didn't want to cry. I saw my dad crying. I heard my mom weeping. I hate it when I see them in sorrow. I hate seeing their faces so transparent, reflecting broken hearts. I just hate it. It's one thing when a parent sees their child hurt, it's another when a child sees a parent in sorrow. I wanted to make everything right for them. I wanted to take away all their pain. They don't deserve it. They've been nothing but good parents to us both. I tried understanding why she'd do such a thing. I don't think it's love. I would never call it love. I saw the married guy. He's just my age. I wanted to strangle him. He had the audacity to come to our house and tell us it's my sister who keeps on running after him. He told us his only mistake was that he didn't have the strength to stay away from my sister. That was the time I lost it. I know in my heart what he says about my sister is true, she does have the tendency to run after men, married or not. But to hear it from someone else was heart-breaking and disappointing. I looked at my mom and my dad, tears wear running down their faces. I told my sister and the guy in front of my parents to better end it or else they'll be answering to me from now on. I am not as patient and forgiving as my parents. I believe in revenge. I told the guy that I swear to God, if I see his face or here his name again, I will kill him with my own hands. I was this close to slapping my sister, too, for giving my parents such pain & suffering. My dad pulled me away. I hate him for doing that, but I guess it was just right.

I wanted to hurt her so bad. To make her feel my parents' pain. Because of what she did, my dad & my mom argued a lot. I wanted to kill the guy & his family. After the guy left, my sister had the audacity to defend the guy. She can't understand why we're so angry. My mother was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown because of her. My dad, so patient, so forgiving, was trying to patch things up between my mother and my sister. It was sickening. I told them, I told her, if she had a daughter who did the same to her, she wouldn't be jumping for joy. She'd react the same way. I told my mom & my dad to let her be. To let her ruin her own life. It's the only way she'd learn. They can't fix things for her all the time. They can't protect her all the time. They're not going to be here forever. But parents will always be parents. No matter how bad their children are, they're always willing to forgive, to love, to devote the rest of their lives to their children.

I've proven that yesterday.

Decisions, decisions.....

I don't know if things are looking up or down right now. Everything's kind of messed up with my family. On the other hand I got a job offer out of the blue. Tempting but I already have a job I love. I would really have to think things over.

My Favorite Blooms.....

The Nightmare Is Over!

Thank God he woke up before things got really bad! I'm just really happy my grandpa decided to end things with his gold-digging whore of a girlfriend. I was ready to kill her myself if in case he did go on and marry her. I thought the postponed wedding was a temporary thing, but all of our hard work paid off! He came to his senses and just in time. God, I hope I don't ever see her again. I don't know what kind of things I might do to her if our paths ever cross again. I just have so much hatred for her. She almost ruined my family. I hope she rots in hell.

The Book Of Love

by Peter Gabriel

The Book of Love is long & boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures
And instructions for dancing

But I, I love it when you read it to me
And you, you can read me anything

The Book of Love has music in it
In fact, that's where music comes from
Some of it's just transcendental
Some of it's just really dumb

But I, I love it when you sing to me
And you, you can sing me anything

The Book of Love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know

But I, I love it when you give me things
And you, you ought to give me wedding rings

And I, I love it when you give me things
And you, you ought to give me wedding rings

You ought to give me wedding rings

I heard this song while watching Shall We Dance on DVD the other day. I must say, it was a pretty dull movie. Probably the only good thing about it was this song. I love Peter Gabriel. I love this song so much, I was in tears when I heard it playing in the background. I guess I'm a softie after all...

Nasal

I hate my nose. I wish I had a better one...

Hippie Mom

I'm starting to think my mother is a hippie. She always yells at me for wearing black or dark-colored articles of clothing. Telling me it's not harmonious with nature and the elements to wear black all the time. Maybe it's why I've been having bad luck lately, so she says. According to her: "Bright colors are always associated with luck, and a harmonious environment. Dark colors evoke bad luck and dark energies. You should cleanse yourself by wearing bright colors all the time."

Everyday, I have these kinds of 'talks' with her. I wouldn't even consider it a conversation between us because she does most of the talking and I just grunt for acknowledgement.

Spirit & Soul.....

You Are Rum

You're the life of the party, and a total flirt You are also pretty picky about what you drink Only the finest labels and best mixed cocktails will do Except if you're dieting - then it's Diet Coke and Bacardi all the way

What alcoholic drink are you?

I'm the life of the party?! If that's the case, then that's one pretty dead party. Me?! A flirt?! I have a lot of friends who can testify I have not one flirting bone in my body.

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you awy from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

I seem to be getting results that are totally out of character, from these online quizzes.

How well do you people know me? Huh?! Huh?!

http://zerreit79.friendtest.com

Take the test or else.....

Itchy & Scratchy

My left arm is so fucking itchy! It takes my mind off the pain but oh my goodness..... Gimme pain & suffering anytime!!!!!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mummified.....

My mummified, broken elbow.

Who hid the rhum?!?!?!

Alvin: "Is it under the bed?"

I'm not drunk!!!!!

Alvin: "I really am not. I'm just tired."

Shattered Elbow

Broke my elbow yesterday. In extreme pain. Left arm in a cast. This is the very reason why people should think of padding their bathrooms.

Someone shoot me now! Please!

Or at least give me morphine shots.....