The Aberration That Is Me

Another Aberration

2007-07-23T21:25:00.000+08:00

I have a new blog:

Another Aberration That Is Me

Shoe-dict!

2007-07-21T05:56:00.000+08:00

It's hard to be tall (5'10") and have big feet in this country. I always tell my friends I think I was born in the wrong country. People here have tiny, narrow feet and it's hard for me to buy shoes! Lately, I've been using E-2-Door, Amazon, & Zappos to buy shoes. I've had very very good finds and the only downside is it's burning a hole in my pocket! Still, the prices are good considering the brands and quality of shoes that I've acquired.

Let me introduce you to my new babies.

These are my new Isaac Mizrahi brown suede boots. Don't ask me how much I got em for! All I can say is they're a steal!

Although the heel is 4.5" (that makes me 6'2.5" tall!), they are very very comfortable. I can probably run in them but being the clumsy me, I won't even try!

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things, Part 1

2007-06-17T21:57:00.000+08:00

Antique bottles.
Art & literature.
Bebel Gilberto
Cervesa Negra
Fruity incense sticks.
Hardbound books.
Heineken
Hugs & kisses from him.
KFC & tons of gravy!
Lounging around.
Melon Vodka
My laptop, my gadgets.
Nick Bantok's Grifin & Sabine
Nip/Tuck
Philosophy
Photographs that I took (love your own, of course).
Photography
Rootbeer & Rootbeer Floats
Seafood, lots of it!
Shoes, shoes, shoes!
The Paranormal
Vanilla Vodka

Francais de etude...

2007-06-09T04:18:00.000+08:00

Je veux apprendre comment parler francais couramment.

Je veux egalement etre a l'aise en Allemand.

Je reve de devenir un linguiste.

Quand je deviens un linguiste, je vais poursuivre une carriere en tant qu'un conservateur de musee et bibliothecaire.

For mi amigo...

2007-05-27T00:18:00.000+08:00

Sleep
Azure Ray

Fill these spaces up with days
In my room
you can go you can stay
I can't sleep, I can't speak to you
I can't sleep

Now these years locked in my drawer
I'll open to see just to be sure
I can't sleep,
I can't speak to you
I can't sleep

And So I'm reaching out for the one
And So I've learned the meaning of the sun
And all this like a message comes to shift my point of view
And watching through my own light as it tints the shade of you

Hold my wine hold it in
nobody's lost
but nobody wins
And I can't sleep
I can't speak to you
I can't sleep

And So I'm reaching out for the one
And So I've learned the meaning of the sun
And all this like a message comes to shift my point of view
I'm watching through my own light as it tints the shade of you

I can't sleep
I can't speak to you
I can't sleep
I can't speak to you
I can't sleep
I can't speak to you
I can't sleep
I can't speak to you
I can't sleep
I can't speak to you
I can't sleep
I can't speak to you

Free Downloads

2007-05-25T13:26:00.000+08:00

Free game downloads!

http://free-game-downloads.mosw.com/

It's official. I am a nut-case.

2007-05-07T17:41:00.000+08:00

I just got released from a one-day stay at the hospital....

I overdosed on anti-depressants and sleeping pills.

Not on purpose.

I wanted to sleep. I haven't slept for days. I've been so depressed.

So I took some sleeping pills, totally forgetting I'm also on anti-depressants.

Almost did an Anna Nicole Smith there.

The thing is I don't know why I'm depressed.

It's official. I am a diagnosed manic-depressive.

Lately though, it's just depression. I've been staying in bed, burying myself under the sheets.

I feel empty, sad, alone, but I don't know why.

I have a job that I know I can excel in. It pays well, too. The thing is, I hate the job. I'm quitting.

A week ago I tried cutting my left wrist. I wanted to end my misery.

It hurt like hell.

Figures.

I didn't do it to feel pain. I already am in a lot of pain, I don't need more.

I did it to see if I can really end it.

I couldn't.

Not because I didn't want to die, but because it hurts like hell.

Plus, I had nasty thoughts of tetanus & infection but then again those wouldn't matter if one is already dead.

I don't know why I'm depressed.

I haven't peaked yet. I have a long way to go.

I know so.

But then why do I have this feeling there's nothing more than this?

I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Maybe the tunnel's already caved in and I'm trapped inside?

My friends keep on telling me there's no other way but up for me.

Why do I feel I'm just spiralling down, down, DOWN?!

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now!

2007-04-08T03:43:00.000+08:00

Holy week's supposed to be the week of penance, sacrifice, & self-suffering in honor of the death of Christ.

The timing couldn't be more perfect for my suffering and misery.

Most people during Holy Week are most probably frolicking on the beach, out of town, or out of the country, celebrating summer, celebrating whatever.

Me?

Nah...

I have work.

I'm supposed to be at work, earning double, even triple for services rendered during the holidays, but no... My body decided against it.

I probably have been food-poisoned again.

My tummy says so.

The bathroom's become my bedroom from Monday to Wednesday. Nevermind that my entire body's aching & shivering from fever & coughing & asthma. When you gotta go, you GOTTA go.

Thursday, I went back to work, thinking that I'm somewhat ok.

Friday, my body decided to fall apart.

I started puking my guts out the moment I parked my car in the garage. Good thing I was already rolling over the garage's tiled floor when I started puking. God knows how hard it is to clean up puke in the car. God knows it's harder to get rid of the stink. Nevermind that I ruined my clothes. I will never ever puke in my car!

I hate puking. It's a disgusting body function. We shouldn't have been made to puke. Bowel movements I can take. At least my asshole doesn't have taste buds. Puking is a different story. I like food. I like eating. I like savoring the different flavors. But not when it's already digested & mixed with stomach fluids & what-not. I puked because I'm sick and I puked from being disgusted from puking because of me being sick.

It's one of those moments that make me wish I were being tortured like the characters in Quentin Tarantino's Hostel. That ankle slashing scene looked far more pleasant than what I was going through that very moment.

I didn't want to puke anymore. Again, it's disgusting. Plus, try puking at the same time your mom's yelling down on you, "Are you pregnant?! Are you pregnant?!" Hell on earth. She should have just left me alone to puke in peace. Of course I'm not pregnant. I think...

I cried because again, it's disgusting. I cried because I wanted to puke & puke & puke but it was so disgusting. I cried because the puke won't come out but I still felt like puking. I cried because my tummy felt like someone just punched the daylights out of me. I cried because I wanted to cry. I cried because I stank of puke. I cried because they were going to bring me to the emergency clinic looking & smelling literally like a nasty Portalet left under the midday sun.

I thought things were going to be better at the emergency clinic, but wait, my misery was turning into pure agony.

Ever had your stomach pumped?!

If you had, don't you just feel like murdering the doctor & the nurse that told you it would be alright & it wouldn't hurt that much?

Why didn't they just reached into my mouth with their bare hands and yanked my guts out? That must feel more pleasant than having your stomach pumped.

I officially hate doctors & nurses now. No matter how hunky & nice they look like. Doctors are evil.

I've been advised to stay away from solid food for a while. I'm not stupid. I'm not going to eat after what I've been through.

Hah! Who was I kidding?!

Whn I came home, lo & behold..... Pizza & KFC was waiting on the table!

Just when I said I wouldn't eat. Just when the doctor told me to eat baby food! Just when I have been craving for pizza & KFC for months now but have been too lazy to buy...

Someone very inconsiderate decides to order those two things!!!

I hate everyone here in this house.

Heaven knows I'm miserable. I am so miserable right now.

There's still some leftover pizza & chicken in the fridge. Maybe..... Just maybe.....

Nah..... Just thinking about it made my stomach growl & it's not because of hunger.

I'm so damn miserable.

Lunchtime Wisdom

2007-03-31T12:38:00.000+08:00

I was listening to two coworkers/friends' conversation over 'lunch'. I was so glad I didn't have anything in my mouth because if I had, I certainly would have spit it out, or more like, snort it out.

It was such a hilarious conversation but what really stuck in my mind is how she defined money:

"What is money?! Paper only!!!"

I couldn't have said it better...

Those Which Did Not Kill Me... Part 1

2007-01-27T22:55:00.000+08:00

There's this saying by Nietszche that goes like this:

"That which cannot destroy you can only make you grow stronger."

Of course there's also Angelina Jolie's tattoo that says:

"Quod me nutrit me destruit."

In the spirit of Nietzche and Jolie's tattoo, here are 10 things that would've killed me when I was a wee (yes, I was little once), defenseless (yes, I was defenseless once, too) girl:

1. The Staircase Incident

According to my mother I was just over a year old. My aunt (my dad's youngest sister) was supposedly watching over me. I somehow managed to escape from her 'watchful' eyes. How can I not? She was talking over the phone. Probably some guy. You know how teenagers can be. Leave 'em alone with a telephone and all hell will break loose. All hell did break loose. At least, that's what my mom told me. She was in the kitchen with my grandma and they heard something fall. Then they heard something scream bloody murder. That something was me. They found me at the bottom of the staircase screaming and crying but still holding on for my dear short life, with a baby bottle in one hand, and a bottle of lotion in another. They rushed me to the hospital and by the time we reached the emergency room, my mother said my forehead and my nose seemed like they have fused together because my face was swollen.

What I've learned: A baby bottle & a bottle of lotion can save your life, and that you won't have any memories of this happening to you but you will never ever forget about it because people related to you will always remind you about that time you fell down the stairs.

2. A Murderous Plot

I was a 4-year old kid living in Laguna, with my future ahead of me being a Nursery student at one of the Preparatory schools in Calamba. I made a lot of friends, both boys and girls. At 3, I was kind of a tomboy preferring to play with the boys more than with the girls.

One day, during playtime at school, I was happily playing tag with the boys, unaware that there was danger lurking in the form of a retarded-looking classmate trapped in the body of a 12-year old boy. I remember climbing up the grills of the school gates so the 'IT' guy won't be able to reach me and tag me. I was high up on the gate like a monkey holding on for dear life when I felt someone tugging and pulling my leg down! I looked down and it was the retard! Of course a 3-year old's instinct would be to kick and pull away, so I did, but the retard kept on pulling my leg down. I remember kicking harder but I sure as hell didn't expect what happened next! Next thing I knew I was slowly slipping down the gate and when it was enough for him to reach me, the bastard stabbed me in the back with a very sharp number 2 Mongol pencil! Of course I fell down. Of course I felt the pain. Of course I cried and screamed.

There was commotion all over. The retard thought it was funny. He laughed and pointed at me when I was literally down. The teacher rushed over to the scene of the crime, calling one of her assistants to apprehend the murderous bastard. I was brought to the school clinic and that's when they found out that the lead of the pencil got stuck in my back. I will never ever forget the physical and psychological pain that he caused me. From that moment on, I learned to watch my back literally & figuratively.

I wonder what happened to him? I hope he's in a mental assylum. Frikkin retard!

What I've Learned: Kids can be murderous at a very early age and that kids who are murderous are also resourceful! Imagine making a murder weapon out of an ordinary pencil! I've also realized that no matter how fun it is to play with boys, it's always safer to play with girls.

3. A Sack Of Mentos

When I was 5 we moved to Manila. We all lived in a huge house together with my grandparents, an uncle, and my aunts. It was a very big house with a big front lawn, a huge backyard, tons of nooks, crannies, and a lot of stuff. I was a very curious little girl who loved exploring every inch of the house.

One afternoon I was playing by myself outside of the house. I wasn't playing with anything particular. I just remembered running around the front lawn and the garage. I don't know what made me stop and stare at an ordinary-looking sack but I did. The sack wasn't empty. It looked lumpy from the outside. It was like the sack had hypnotic powers saying, "Come to me... Come to me..." So I did. I went over to take a peek inside the mysterious sack. Lo and behold! I felt like I hit the jackpot when I saw what's inside the sack. It was full of unwrapped Mentos candy!!! I quickly grabbed a handful, looking left & right and behind me just to make sure nobody would catch me putting my precious loot inside my pocket. I could already see myself munching on them, savoring the sweet, minty candies. When I was about grab another handful, I heard my uncle shout at me.

"Hoy!" he said.

I was so startled I dropped some of my loot on the ground. I turned around to look at him but I couldn't look him in the eye. I was so ashamed. I knew my eyes would give me away so I stared at the cement floor. My uncle wasn't an idiot (back then). He knew what I did, of course. He grabbed me by the shoulder & started shaking and yelling at me.

"Bakit mo pinaglalaruan yung naptalina (Napthalene Balls)?! Hindi mo ba alam lason yan?!" he yelled at me almost showering me with spit. I could see his neck veins almost bursting because of anger.

The only thing that I could mutter in a sheepish voice was, "Akala ko po Mentos..." Then I started to cry.

My uncle let go of me, wiped my hands and emptied my pockets. He held my hand and led me inside and told the maids to give me a bath and wash my clothes. Now I understand why the Mentos smelled funny.

What I've Learned: Not everything that's small, round, and white is a piece of Mentos candy, the fresh maker. Sometimes, they're just really moth balls.

4. The Legend of the Reanimated Rubber

I was still a curious, and may I say wiser (by this time I knew that moth balls aren't Mentos candies), 5-year old kid playing and wreaking havoc around the family property. I remember playing one day by the garage while the maids were gardening & watering the plants and the driver tinkering around with the cars. I had with me a favorite toy. It was a red wagon that I used to put whatever stuff I found outside the garden (rocks, leaves, twigs) that I consider my treasures. Sometimes I pick up stuff from the garage, too (nuts & bolts, screws, spark plugs). Of course everyone yelled at me whenever I'd take the spare parts lying around the workbench and the open toolbox.

The wagon went wherever I went. That particular day, I was looking for new treasures in the garden and the garage. I picked up some interesting rocks and some flowers. I ventured into the garage looking for screws and whatever else I could find when I saw something in the corner of my eye. When I went to take a closer look at it, it seemed like one of those long, thin black rubber thingies that came from one of the cars. I assumed the driver discarded it so it seemed logical to me and my 5-year old brain to pick the thing up. When I was about to, the rubber thingie started moving away. It actually was slithering away from me. I was too excited to see a seemingly inanimate object become suddenly animated. I just had to share my fascinating discovery so I screamed at the top of my lungs, "Looooooooook!!!!!The rubber's moviiiiing!!!!!"

Both the maids and the driver ran towards me. They thought I fell or something. I heard the maids scream and I felt the driver grabbing me around my waist and carrying me away. I was baffled. The maids were still screaming like banshees. They were terrified. I saw the driver pick up something long, shiny, and metallic from the toolbox, ran towards the rubber thingie and started clobbering the poor thing. The rubber thingie was fighting back but the driver hit it harder. It started to coil up and then it stopped moving.

Now I know why the maids were screaming, "Ahas! Ahaaaaaaaaaas!!!!!"

What I've Learned: It's not normal for long rubber thingies to slither away, hiss, and fight back. If a long rubber thingie starts doing this, run away because it's a fucking snake! Oh, by the way, as I grew older, I found out that long rubber thingies used for cars are called fan belts.

5. The Lunch Box Assault

I was 6 years old and was in Kindergarten 2. I loved my school, my new friends, and the nuns that taught us music and piano. I also loved my new red lunch box. It was the kind that was rectangle and made with a tough plastic material, the kind that you had to flip and unflip to be able to open & close it.

One fine afternoon, I was outside by myself, waiting for my yaya to pick me up. My friends already went home so I was just on my own. I was getting bored so I started swinging my lunchbox back & forth not knowing there was this girl in my class, lurking behind me, and all set to scare the beejesus out of me. Blissfully unaware of her evil intent, I swung away. I suddenly saw my yaya walking towards me. Aching to go home and watch Astroboy, I ran towards her and hugged her.

The next day, when I went to school, I was so surprised to see the same girl already in class (she was usually late), very quite in her seat. I called out her name and when she turned to me I shrieked, "Waaah! Anong nangyari sayo?!"

She had bandages all over her nose and the parts not covered by bandages were black and blue. She said when she was going to sneak up on me to scare me, I unknowingly hit her face with my lunch box.

What I've Learned: Karma is a bitch and sometimes it comes in the form of a lunch box hitting your face. As what my gay friend always says "Karma is digital."

This is the first installment of Those Which Did Not Kill Me.

Coming next: Essence of Caterpillar, Tres Marias, New Year Bangs, Dear Auntie, & What Might Have Been My First Love...

Holy Mole!

2007-01-25T11:11:00.000+08:00

My friend Hazel gave me this link: Hidden Meanings Of Body Moles.

Very very interesting. It got me wondering which body parts I have moles on. So far, judging from where my moles are located and what they mean, they basically tell me that I am a horny, money-making machine...

Things That I Only Found Out Recently, Part 1

2007-01-25T00:02:00.000+08:00

Did you know...

1. That Weng Weng is in Wikipedia!

2. That Mandy Ochoa and Dominic Ochoa are actually brothers! Who knew?! Everyone else but me, apparently.

3. That Max Alvarado is already dead, for several years now. Bless his soul.

4. That the midget Mura is really a boy! Jesus Christ, he/she/it looks and sounds like a girl!

5. That a certain political icon(?) is really the illegitimate son of some rich man that got his labandera (laundry woman) pregnant. Now, this is supposed to be common knowledge, but again, I'm probably the last to know.

6. That the kakanin peachy peachy is spelled as pichi pichi.

7. That the vending machine has ripping me off all along! I was so happy thinking that Bread Pan was so cheap at Php10.00 when it was only selling for the retail price of Php5.35 for the big bag! I've been robbed!!!

8. That Cesar Montano's last name is Manhilot! I thank all the gods that I am not married to him.

9. That I live in the same subdivision as Nyoy Volante, and because of this I found out that the street names in our subdivision are alphabetized according to country names. Stupid me.

10. That it's never too late to find out about these things and be bugged-eyed out of amazement.

10 Things You Should Know (Part 1)

2007-01-19T23:28:00.000+08:00

1. Weng Weng is in Wikipedia. Do not ask me how I came upon this information. It's just really bizzare. Beat that Rosanna Roces! Weng Weng has an entry and you don't!

2. A wise man (not in the nearest bit related to Confuscious) just answered the question that we've all been asking ourselves since time immemorial: "What is the meaning of life?"

"Life is that boring time between fucks.
--His Horniness

3. It is not cute nor amusing when you forward someone 20 useless text messages each day. In fact, it is extremely annoying! No, wait, extremely annoying is an understatement! Oh, when I say 20 each day, it's me receiving 20 forwarded messages in a span of 5 hours from one person.

4. People who can say they screw without feeling any hint of emotion towards the person they're screwing are liars. How can you not feel anything? Surely you feel disgusted whenever you fuck someone ugly? The feeling of being disgusted can be defined as an emotion. Then there comes the regret of fucking the ugly bitch or bastard. Regret is also an emotion.

5. I am sorry to break it to you Royal Watchers that Prince William is succumbing to the Nino Mulach syndrome.

Nino Mulach Syndrome (NMS) - noun. a condition wherein a child born into cuteness morphs into an ugly or fairly ugly adult, without even a hint of his or her former cuteness. Named after former child star turned Ensaymada entrepreneur Nino Mulach, who was uber cute when he was a wee little boy but is now greaseball personifed. NMS also manifests not just during the transition of humans from childhood to early-mid adulthood but also from early adulthood to seniorhood (case in point Marlon Brando). Other sufferers of NMS include Dennis Da Silva, Elijah Wood, & Snooky Serna.

6. If you don't think it's possible to injure your dick with a weights machine, think again. This certain injury has been studied by a medical expert & has been photographed & documented. You think this is stupid? Wait til you hear about the girl who tripped on both her toes at the same time. Don't make me tell the story. I myself am still dumbfounded by it, but yes, it is physically possible to trip on both toes at the same time.

7. I realized that babies are really just little persons because they sure as hell crap as plenty and as stinky as how grown humans crap.

8. Elvis is dead so get over it! And so is Saddam! So get over it too! But I think Jesus still walks the earth as a dirty ice cream vendor. Yes, believe it, and no, I'm not high on pot. I haven't smoked a joint since 2004.

9. Sharon Cuneta should be shot for destroying Joni Mitchell's Both Sides Now. She suffers what we call The Emperor's New Song Syndrome (TENS Syndrome).

The Emperor's New Song Syndrome (TENS Syndrome) - noun. it's when millions of people say, "Ang ganda ng boses ni Sharon!" and no one dare say otherwise, save for my friend Faye & I.

10. Anyone who claims to my face that they've been food-poisoned or experienced it should think twice or thrice before saying it. They should realize that I am a survivor of the REAL kind of Food Poisoning! The kind that makes you crap for 5 consecutive days, almost 24 hours each day, burning with fever, delirious from fever, and passing out from dehydration thinking that it was some sort of a cat nap! Oh, did I mention the puking part? And the part where you think it's just vomit-smelling snot coming out of your nose? And where was God when all of this happened?! He probably was smoking cannabis while going through his back-issue stash of FHM or something.

A Whole Nude World...

2007-01-17T11:39:00.000+08:00

(Aladdin)
I can show you my bird,
Big, sparkling, and splendid,
I can make it extended
On my magic mattress ride.
I can open your thighs,
Rock your body like thunder
Over, sideways, and under
On my magic mattress ride.

A whole nude world,
A new fantastic way to screw,
Everyone tells me "no",
I need a blow,
So I can start my screaming.

(Jasmine)
A whole nude world,
My sizzling place you never knew,
But when you're way down there,
Engrossed in hair,
Now I'm in a whole nude world with you.

(Aladdin)
Now I'm in a whole nude world with you.

(Jasmine)
Unbelievable size,
Indescribable squealing,
Leaning, bending, and kneeling
At my moist and gaping thighs.

A whole nude world.

(Aladdin)
Don't you dare close your thighs

(Jasmine)
A hundred thousand sperm in me!

(Aladdin)
Hold your breath, it gets better.

(Jasmine)
I'm like a shooting star
I've come so far,
I can't go back to my virginity.

(Aladdin)
A whole nude world.

(Jasmine)
Every thrust of your thighs.

(Aladdin)
With new positions we can screw.

(Jasmine)
Every moment gets wetter.

(Duet)
I'll lick you anywhere,
Hey, I don't care.
Let me share this whole nude world with you.

(Aladdin)
A whole nude world.

(Jasmine)
A whole new world.

(Aladdin)
That's where we'll be.

(Jasmine)
That's where we'll be.

(Aladdin)
A thrilling taste.

(Jasmine)
Of my hot place.

(Duet)
To you from me.

New Year. New Wants. New Goals.

2007-01-15T16:41:00.000+08:00

There's only one thing I want for this new year. To be able to call myself a homeowner. No, not by marriage but by purchase.

Hehehe!

Yes, I want to purchase my own home. By golly, I will make it happen.

It's my only want, my only goal, and I am doing everything I can to make it happen as soon as possible. It may take a couple of years but I don't care. It starts now.

What If God Smoked Cannabis?

2006-12-10T09:22:00.000+08:00

Weird Al Yankovich

If God had long hair, and a goatee
And if His eyes were pretty glazed
If He looked spaced out,
Would you buy his story?
Would you believe He had an eye infection?

And yeah, yeah God looks baked
Yeah, yeah God smells good
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

What if God smoked Cannabis?
Hit the bong like some of us
Drove a tie-dyed micro bus
And he subsribes to Rolling Stone

When God made this place
In the begining, did He plant any seeds?
Or did He put them there for Adam and Eve?
So they'd be hungry for the apple that the snake
Was always offering

And yeah, yeah God rolls great
Yeah, yeah God smells good
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

What if God smoked Cannabis?
Do you suppose He'd have a bust?
When He made the platypus
When He created Earth our home
Does He like Pearl Jam or The Stones?
And do you think He rolls His own?
Up there in Heaven on the throne
And when the Saints go marching home
Maybe He sits and smokes a bowl

Christmas Wishlist

2006-12-09T09:11:00.000+08:00

A blog wouldn't be complete without a Christmas wishlist.

Says who?!

I told my friend Faye that the only reason why people post their wishlist on the web or in their respective blogs is so other people would know what to give to them for Christmas.

I think it defeats the purpose of sincere gift-giving. I like to be surprised by gifts people give to me.

I don't like the idea of posting a list for other people to buy. I'm the type of person who makes a list because I WANT TO BUY THOSE THINGS FOR MYSELF WITH MY OWN MONEY!

So in the spirit of Christmas. Wait, what I meant was in the spirit of hypocrisy, here's my own wishlist:

THINGS I WANT TO BUY/HAVE FOR MYSELF (not necessarily just for Christmas & in no particular order):

1. A black Hummer 1. (Of course I have to save for this. It'll probably take a lifetime but damnit I will have my Hummer!)
2. 20 pairs of custom-made Jimmy Choos.
3. A lifetime supply of Bread Pan! (Green or Red, I don't care! It's a cheap treat and it tastes yummy! No wonder it's always out-of-stock.)
4. A lifetime supply of Berri's Dark Grape Juice.
5. A lifetime supply of Eng Bee Tin's Hopia & Pork Kikiam. (You can't expect me to go to Binondo all the time just to get them... I still find the place scary!)
6. To be able to drive Michael Schumacher's F1 race car. Even for just a couple of minutes.
7. All the books in the world! Hardbound first editions of course! I've already started collecting them but.....
8. .....I want my own circular library.....
9. .....decorated with rare Gustav Klimt posters & prints.....
10. .....and with a chandelier right smack in the middle of the room made entirely of white & red Murano beads.

I'll keep my list short. Frankly, I forgot what other things I like.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas!

2006-12-09T08:52:00.000+08:00

It's the first time in almost 3 years that I'll be spending Christmas here at home. The house looks chaotic because of my mom's business. Boxes of the products that she sells are stocked up in every corner of our house. No room for Christmas decor save for Christmas lights and lanterns lining the fence & gate, and some dotting her plants and trees.

I don't care much for decors but I do miss our Christmas tree.

It doesn't matter. For some weird reason, I feel more Christmas-y than how I felt during the past couple of years.

Maybe it's because I finally had the courage to submit a resignation letter, quit my toxic job, have a normal schedule, sleep better, and see my friends.

Maybe it's because I've made a lot of new friends this year and couldn't be happier with that area of my life.

Maybe it's because we have a new addition to our family.

Maybe it's because bits and pieces in my life are slowly but surely falling into place.

Or maybe it's all of those.

I can't be more grateful for everything that's happened this year. It has been a gruelling year, full of trials, tears, hardwork. But all of those doesn't matter because what's important are the lessons I have learned, the knowledge I have gained & the friends that I met.

I couldn't be happier... I have never been happier.

Affairs To Remember

2006-09-09T17:43:00.000+08:00

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM ... The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."

"You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"

A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."

On Astrology & Natal Charts...

2006-09-08T11:40:00.000+08:00

Just 4 days until my birthday...

I've decided to research more on Natal charts. I've downloaded this free trial software at AstroWorld. It's a pretty cool Natal Chart generating program. Gives you helpful tips and allows you to understand Astrology a bit more. It's a very specific science. I had to find out the exact time that I was born. Here's what I found out about mine.

- DEMOVERSION -

Your Sun in Virgo

People born under the Earth Sign Virgo tend to place their professional careers first. Virgo is the most realistic sign, which is ruled by the planet Mercury and is constantly in search of knowledge, which can immediately be put into practice. Virgos can differentiate precisely; a simple yes or no is never enough.

Your love of detail allows you to work with care and precision. Disorder and sloppiness only serve to challenge you to straighten up your surroundings. You like your work, enjoy fulfilling obligations and therefore must watch out not to let yourself be used or exploited. You have often placed too much importance on work and have missed the pleasant side of life.

You analyze your surroundings rigorously and are capable of loosing yourself in details to the point where you are not able to put the pieces together to make a whole. Do not forget the importance of recognizing the essentials in life. Do not let yourself get caught up in banalities.

Practice being tolerant and be aware of the danger of taking your views too seriously. You are capable of realizing your visions but have to learn to accept that some people have other ways of doing things.

The sign Virgo represents health. Do not let your many worries exhaust you, this could prove harmful to your health. Basically, worrying is pointless because you will never change the course of events by worrying about them.

The ties between the sign Virgo and the Earth explain why you value material riches and the comfort they bring. You look for quality when you shop and despise cheap mass-produced items.

Even if you are not the most romantic person and pride yourself on your autonomous, single lifestyle, you are hiding a great longing for security. You may want to reconsider your exaggerated demands on a partner.

Women, born under the sign Virgo, dominate relationships and organize the daily routines in the family. You have no reason to feel guilty about it; it just shows that you are prepared to accept responsibility.

Your Sun in the First House

If the Sun is in the first house in your chart, then you entered the world within the first two hours of the new Day. Daylight dispels the black of night and people begin to go about their daily tasks.

The exceptional energy radiating from the Sun in this position is not without effect. This is the source of your destiny to serve as an example and to give others strength and energy. Greet life actively and enthusiastically making your way with determination. Your family was not necessarily the primary contributors to your confidence and optimism. You prefer to earn success completely independently and it has brought you a certain amount of respect, which you also crave for. You are the kind of person who wants to stand out in a crowd. It is important for you to know enough about everything to be considered an authority on any subject. This also satisfies your craving for admiration.

Probably you are seldom sick, although a consultation of the sign housing the Sun and its aspects to the other planets is necessary to confirm this. If the Sun and the Ascendant are in the same sign, the qualities of that sign will be especially pronounced.

If the Sun in the first house receives harmonious aspects, you may have had a childhood which made it easy for you to develop your unique capacities, and your birth caused much excitement.

If the Sun in the first house receives challenging aspects, you should take care not to give free reign to your dominant character traits, such as narcissism, and pride.

If you do not manage to regulate your desire to be in control you will end up frustrated and off-balance. Always remember that respect and recognition have to be earned. Do not make the mistake of expecting too much.

The Moon's Nodes

- The Karmic Component - Where Do I Come From - Where Am I Going?

The Moon's nodes are points where the moon's orbit around the Earth crosses the Earth's orbit around the Sun. The points are calculated and lie directly across from each other. When these two points are connected, the Moon Node Axis crosses the entire chart. It runs backwards, from Aries into Pisces, then into Aquarius, etc.

The Moon Node Axis can travel through the horoscope in 18.5 years, which leaves 1.5 years in each sign. The people our own age have their Moon Nodes in the same sign as we do, but not necessarily in the same house.

The rising Moon Node is referred to as the northern Moon Node or Dragon's Head. The falling Moon Node is called the southern Moon Node or Dragon's Tail. In Indian Astrology they are called Rahu and Ketu.

The meaning of the Moon Node Axis is tied closely to Karmic Astrology and is easier to understand in this context. It begins with a premonition that we are not on planet Earth for the first time, but that we have brought experiences from previous lives with us. In a horoscope the principle of reincarnation is described by the Moon Node Axis, whereby the falling Moon Node shows where the soul is coming from while the rising Moon Node describes where it is going to and our goals in this life. The Axis is the path we walk in this life. It can also be seen as a horoscope compressed into one line, which is expounded on by the remaining factors.

The rising Moon Node contains the sum of all the experiences from our past lives. This is why it seems more familiar to us than its complement. It represents all our favorite habits, which we cannot manage to free ourselves from, but which hamper our development, in other words our personal "way of least resistance". It is our duty to overcome our inner obstacles and pave the way for new experiences that go in a completely different direction, as we see on the opposing sign. We should endeavor to free ourselves from the chains of habit and look forward to unexplored harbors. The houses containing the Moon's Nodes tell us which areas we should further develop and where we are caught by transmitted behavior patterns.

One of the most interesting ways to see the personal horoscope is to look at how far we have come and then image what may lie in store for us.

Your Northern Moon Node in Virgo

This Moon Node position challenges you to make clear, rational decisions taking leave of your emotional martyrdom. You are held captive by illusions and allow yourself to be caught up in tragic tales. You cannot express your position in front of others because you are very seldom capable of recognizing what your positions actually are. These veils of uncontrolled emotionality often lead to exploitation, leaving you unable to defend yourself. Resolution and ambition were alien concepts. Having closed your eyes to reality, you could not understand the cause of your suffering. Your being was unattainable and your self-pity only added to your isolation. Lack of self-confidence and your willingness to allow emotions to control your ideas inhibited your development.

You are going to have to find a way out of this behavior pattern. You cannot run from the truth, even if it is not always pleasant. Do not let yourself be swayed by other people's moods. Practice saying no to yourself and to those asking for favors. You have to learn to think critically and to define your goals clearly if you ever want to reach them. Analyze the situation in order to differentiate between pity and sympathy. If you want to help then go to a hospital or similar institution and offer concrete help to people who really need it.

Your Northern Moon Node in the First House

With a rising moon node in the first house, you should start searching for your identity and your personal strengths. Do not fall into the old habit of relying on approval from your partner, but encourage your own strengths. Exercising solidarity in the realization of your goals is not the point. Rather, you are asked to achieve independence through a confident appearance and to live according to your needs. Even if you still put yourself under pressure to become one with your partner, take the initiative and accept the challenge of self-fulfillment. If you should want to have another relationship, you will be able to contribute more without running the risk of being used.

The Part of Fortune

- Your Personal Key for True Contentedness -

Everyone asks themselves once in a while what they can do to be happy and finding an answer to this question is not as easy as it may seem, because many people have wrong impressions about their real needs. They might be convinced that they need something, are oriented on inappropriate role models or let themselves be influenced by other people's ideas while possibly they are already on the wrong path. Usually they are not aware of it until it is too late. If you know how to make someone really happy, usually you are prepared to make an effort or to make difficult decisions. This makes the Part of Fortune something like a personal code of ethics, which has to be remembered in every circumstance. It is one of the sensitive points and is derived from Arabic Astrology.

The Part of Fortune is calculated by subtracting the Sun position from the Ascendant position. We add the number of degrees of the moon to this result. A simple formula would look like the following:Part of Fortune = Ascendant - Sun + Moon

Your Part of Fortune in Sagittarius

Probably you are naturally content without being aware of its value. It is part of your personality to believe in the future and in the good in people and this attitude will be rewarded. Positive thinking will give you strength to take life easy without becoming superficial. Feeling unstrained may be one prerequisite for your happiness. Freedom is something precious that you could never give up. When you obligate yourself then it is voluntary and with consciousness.
There is a lot of natural self-confidence in you and it is enough for you to enjoy life, discovering some meaning beyond this is not a priority for you. Telling the truth and acting on it, being authentic is more important to you; you would not be able to live with yourself if you did otherwise. Another quality that you appreciate is your spontaneity. Anyone who tries to keep you from going on adventures or letting your enthusiasm show will not be your friend for very long. Otherwise, you do your best to get along with everyone, which contributes to your popularity as well as your general happiness.

Your Part of Fortune in the Fourth House

The most basic human need is to feel that we make a difference, which is why people feel good when they are doing everything they can to contribute to the well being of people they feel close to or care for animals or even plants. It is also satisfying to observe the development of relationships, to see a child growing and watch trust evolve. With an attitude toward life so strongly oriented on giving, it is sometimes difficult for you to take; at the very least you want to show your appreciation immediately. Probably you have an emotional conscience. Recognition of the responsibility you take on for the well being of others comes very naturally from within you and determines much of your behavior. Seen this way, once you have found your fortune you will not take anything at the cost of others.

In the near future you may not have an easy time finding your way in the world, where social order does not always allow for the expression of deep emotions; also disappointments may arise when your good nature is abused or if you are deprived of recognition. That does not necessarily have to change your broad-minded attitude or prevent you from doing what you want to do. Naturally, you should set goals for yourself, but choose goals that you can relate to spiritually. If you act contrary to your feelings, your plans will never be realized. Try to establish closeness with all of your endeavors such that it leads to a personal identification. Soon you will recognize that this is what you need to be happy.

Family plays a very important role for you, especially your mother. Probably it is not easy for you to judge the situation objectively, but the feeling of belonging to your family can give you the kind of security other people search for their whole lives. This can be summarized by saying that you find fulfillment in the opportunity to express your feelings without having to abide by strict rules. Take care that you stay in contact with nature because you value your relationship to nature highly.

The Ascendant

- Gate to the External World -

The Ascendant is the rising sign in the East at the time of birth. It metaphorically channels our expectations of life. The first impression stays with us throughout the day, influencing each contact and every event. The Ascendant channels all the other energies in the chart actively working to express them. It describes the way we live our natal chart and how we confront our environment, making up an important part of our identity.

As to the question of the differentiation between the Ascendant and the role of the Sun keep in mind how difficult it is for us as well as for others to differentiate the expression of our personality from our personality itself. This question can therefore only be partially resolved. It is much more important to live the positive aspects of your sign and to bring it into harmony with all the other energies and influences.

Your Ascendant in Leo

You radiate energy like the Sun and attract people with your creativity, optimism and leadership capabilities. You are often more successful than others, who have trouble getting off the sidelines. You have no problem doing just that, you love being the center of attention and need to rant about on center stage. With your charisma, you will not be overlooked.

Do not deceive yourself: Your behavior holds traps for you; your inclination is to be overconfident and not notice how ridiculous your power struggles are. If you want to achieve the greatness of which you are capable, then you will have to learn to use your extraordinary talents responsibly. That will prevent you from acquiring a false pride, seeing the world as a stage and defying reality to bask in narcissism. It would be a shame if you waste your energy only to draw the envy of your "subjects".

On traveling...

2006-09-08T07:44:00.000+08:00

Travel only with equals or thy betters.
If none, travel alone.
--The Dhammapada

New Orleans

2006-08-24T16:32:00.000+08:00

If I were to choose a place in the United States where I can spend a couple of weeks, it'll definitely be New Orleans.

I've always wanted to go there. Even after Katrina, I still want to go there. Not for Mardi Gras, not because of Anne Rice, but because the place is magical, mystical, enchanted.

I want to spend an afternoon or two in the French Quarters, maybe tour the cemeteries, visit the restaurants for gastronomic feast.

Imagine having an encounter with a voodoo priestess or being freaked out by a ghost tapping you on your shoulder while you're sitting down, staring at the moon.

Imagine being transported back in time while listening to one of the many great New Orleans jazz bands.

New Orleans, I think, will give me every bit of experience one can think of when traveling. Culture, entertainment, architecture, food, religion, spirituality, and the people... living or not.

Someday... soon... I will visit. I will make New Orleans mine, for such a place, no matter how long or short the stay is, will forever be in my head and in my heart.

Under the sea...

2006-07-28T17:16:00.000+08:00

Photos taken at Aquaria KLCC

Ex-Factor

2006-07-17T01:18:00.000+08:00

Lauryn Hill

It could all be so simple
but you'd rather make it hard
loving you is like a battle
and we both end up with scars
tell me, who i have to be
to get some reciprocity
see, no one loves you more than me
and no one ever will
is this just a silly game
that forces you to act this way
forces you to scream my name
then pretend that you can't stay
tell me, who i have to be
to get some reciprocity
See no one loves you more than me
and no one ever will.
No matter how i think we grow
you always seem to let me know
it ain't workin'
it ain't workin' (No, it ain't workin)
and when i try to walk away
you hurt yourself to make me stay
this is crazy (this is crazy)
oh this is crazy (this is crazy)
i keep letting you back in
how can i explain myself
as painful as this thing has been
i just can't be with no one else
see i know what we've got to do
you let go and i'll let go too
cause no one's hurt me more than you
and no one ever will
No matter how I think we grow
you always seem to let me know
it ain't workin' (it ain't workin)
it ain't workin'
And when i try to walk away
you hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy (This is crazy)
Oh this is crazy (this is crazy)
care for me, care for me (care)
i know you care for me
there for me there for me (there)
said you'd be there for me
cry for me cry for me (cry)
you said you'd die for me
give to me give to me (give)
why won't you live for me.
care for me, care for me (care)
you said you care for me
there for me there for me (there)
said you'd be there for me
cry for me cry for me (cry)
you said you'd die for me
give to me give to me (give)
why won't you live for me.
care for me, care for me (care)
you said you care for me
there for me there for me (there)
said you'd be there for me
cry for me cry for me (cry)
you said you'd die for me
give to me give to me (give)
why won't you live for me.
care for me, care for me (care)
you said you care for me
there for me there for me (there)
said you'd be there for me
give to me give to me (cry)
why don't you live for me.
cry for me cry for me (give)
you said you'd die for me
Where were you, when I needed you?

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now...

2006-07-04T13:42:00.000+08:00

The Smiths

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now
I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I'm miserable now
In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die ?
Two lovers entwined pass me by
And heaven knows I'm miserable now
I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I'm miserable now
In my life
Oh, why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die ?
What she asked of me at the end of the day
Caligula would have blushed
"You've been in the house too long" she said
And I (naturally) fled
In my life
Why do I smile
At people who I'd much rather kick in the eye ?
I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now
"You've been in the house too long" she said
And I (naturally) fled
In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die ?

Dirty Harry

2006-07-03T17:13:00.000+08:00

Gorillaz

I need a gun to keep myself from harm
The poor people are burning in the sun
But they ain't got a chance
They ain't got a chance
I need a gun
Cos all I do is dance
Cos all I do is dance
I need a gun to keep myself from harm
The poor people are burning in the sun
No, they ain't got a chance
They ain't got a chance
I need a gun
Cos all I do is dance
Cos all I do is dance
In my backpack
I got my act right
In case you act quite difficult
And yo is so weakin'
With anger and discontent
Some are seeking and searching like me, moi
I'm a peace-loving decoy
Ready for retaliation
I change the whole occasion to a pine box six-under
Impulsive don't ask wild wonder
Orders given to me is:
strike and I'm thunder with lightning fast reflexes on constant alert
from the constant hurt that seems limitless with no dropping pressure
Seems like everybody's out to test ya
'til they see your brake
They can't conceal the hate
That consumes you
I'm the reason why you flipped your soosa
Chill with your old lady at the tilt
I got a 90 days digit
And I'm filled with guilt
From things that I've seen
Your water's from a bottle
mine's from a canteen
At night I hear the shots
Ring so I'm a light sleeper
The cost of life,
it seems to get cheaper
out in the desert
with my street sweeper
The war is over
So said the speaker with the flight suit on
Maybe to him I'm just a pawn
So he can advance
Remember when I used to dance
Man, all I want to do is dance
(Dance!)
(Dance!)
(Dance!)
I need a gun to keep myself from harm

Women & Packing Light: Mission Impossible!

2006-07-03T15:53:00.000+08:00

You know what I hate about traveling?

Packing!

I wish I can pack the way men pack. I always have this picture in my mind of them just grabbing a couple of shirts, underwear, a pair or two of pants, and some toiletries, throw them inside a bag or a small suitcase, wallet in pocket, and leave.

Men have it so easy.

Women and packing..... Now that's a completely different story.

I'm going out of the country this weekend, for two weeks, and I've just finished packing..... I think. Looking at the contents of my suitcase, I'm pretty much convinced I have everything I need or want to bring. A tiny voice in me is telling me I've gone overboard.

Looking at my suitcase, it seems like I'm going to be gone for a month instead of just two weeks. My mom always tells me to make a list of only the essentials. I always do! But all of my things are essential to me, and because of that reason, it has always been a problem for me to keep whatever I bring with me within the 20 kilo limit airlines allow for each passenger.

I was planning on bringing at least 3 pairs of shoes but I had to let go of my beloved espadrilles. I suppose the sneakers that I'll be wearing, a slip-on, a kitten-heeled mule, and my bedroom slippers would do.

This morning I've dumped all of the clothes I wanted to bring with me, onto my bed. It pretty much looked like a disaster area. I narrowed everything down to a couple of black tees & white tees, 3 black blouses, a white blouse, a red shirt, 3 packs of underwear, 5 pairs of socks, 2 pairs of slacks, 2 pairs of jeans, and a couple of bras. That should do it..... Oh wait..... I almost forgot my bathrobe!

I was also planning on bringing a couple of books with me but I've decided to bring just one. I don't think I'll be cooped up indoors most of the time anyway. It's a big city and most of the two weeks will be spent exploring. Besides, I also have some writing to do.

Of course I have to bring my own toiletries. Can't leave home without my favorite scents, body cream, a loofa scrub, shower gel, sunblock, make-up, etcetera, etcetera. I can always buy the shampoo & conditioner over there. But what if they don't have the brand I use? I just have to make do I guess.

Now, if I bring two kinds of purses, will that be too much? If I bring some jewelry and accessories, will it also be too much? I can't leave home without my pearls, bracelets, earrings. What if I have to accessorize? Better bring some.....

There..... that should do it! At last I'm done. Oh wait..... The pasalubongs! Better make room for them, too.

Now let's see how much this'll weigh.....

Damn!!!!! 7 kilos of excess baggage. Time to rethink and strategize. Seriously, airlines should allow more for free baggage. Don't they know this is torture to women? Or maybe I should learn how to pack light...

Fuck it..... I'll just pay for the excess.

Live BELOW Your Means.....

2006-06-22T10:16:00.000+08:00

I don't know how to start.

All I can say is when you don't have money to pay for rent, don't even think of getting your own place. Save for the future and hope to save enough to invest on your own property or condo or house. There's no point in working your butt off to be able to pay a rent you can barely afford just so you can boast to others that you've broken free from your folks.

I'd rather live with my parents, get my own room, my bank account intact, my wallet fat with cash, able to buy things I want, go out & spend when I want to, than to have my own place dying with hunger, not knowing where the hell to get money for the damn rent, utilities, and building dues.

Shop for necessities ONLY! Yeah, yeah..... Girls were born to shop. But seriously, how many shoes, strands of FAKE pearls, handbags, all kinds of bags, make up, bottles of perfume, does one need in a lifetime? Certainly not that much.

I guess other people would rather look good (even if in reality, they look like a walking overly-trimmed christmas tree), than have a disposable income, or food on their tables.

I say invest on key pieces. Classic styles, quality shoes, bags, and REAL jewelry that'll last you longer than the current clothing or accessory trends. How long are you going to wear that generic-looking antiqued dangling earring anyway? Don't your ears hurt? Doesn't your neck get itchy because of all those 'trendy' fake necklaces you wear?

Yes, you can treat yourself OCCASIONALLY to luxuries but only if you absolutely deserve a treat.

Stop buying coffee at Starbucks! Seriously, what's the difference between the coffee in the office pantry and the coffee you buy outside? They taste the same to me! You think hanging out and being seen in Starbucks will make you look trendy and sophisticated? Take another look! You're just like everyone else! Generic, boring, and hooked up on overpriced caffeine.

In case you didn't know, caffeine is bad for you. Just like your nicotine addiction which also makes you stink.

Why do you need braces? Nothing's wrong with your teeth. They look perfectly fine. Then again, I'm not an orthodontist.

Did you know that contraption in your mouth doesn't make you look cool? It's a corrective device! Like wearing back braces or leg braces to correct whatever's crooked in your body. So why fix it when it isn't crooked? You want crooked teeth to go with those braces? Come on over, I'll punch you.... It'll give you good reason to visit an orthodontist and spend good money on braces and whatever dental surgery needed after I'm done bashing your face.

As much as possible, pay with cash. A credit card should only be used for emergencies! Owning a credit card doesn't make you seem rich. It makes you look like you don't have money to pay for that coffee you're buying or that faux leather bag you've been eyeing for months. Besides, the interest itself is ridiculously high, in case you haven't been reading your statements, that alone should stop you from using them plastics!

Oh, one last thing. Stop acting like you're born with a silver spoon in your mouth. It's not amusing. You're making a complete fool out of yourself, it makes people want to stick a big wooden spoon from Baguio up your flat butt.

So again, live below your means, or you'll die a sad, sorry miser.

Dyslexic Heart

2006-06-14T16:32:00.000+08:00

Paul Westerberg

You're shooting glances and they're so hard to read
I misconstrue what you mean
Slip me a napkin, and now that's a start
Is this your name or a doctor's eye chart?

I try to comprehend you, I got a dyslexic heart.
I ain't dying to offend you, I got a dyslexic heart.

Thanks for the book, now my table is steady
It's a library or a bar
Between the covers I judge you as ready
Half-angel, half-tart

I try to comprehend you, I got a dyslexic heart.
I ain't dying to offend you, I got a dyslexic heart.

Do I read you correctly? You need me directly
Help me with this part
Do I date you do I hate you do I got a dyslexic heart?

You keep swayin'
What are you sayin'?
Think about stayin'
Are you just playin', making passes
Well my heart could use some glasses....

Are you stayin'?
What are you savin'?
Or are you swayin'?
Just playing, making passes
Well my heart could use some glasses...

I try to comprehend you, I got a dyslexic heart
Do I read you correctly? I need you directly.
Help me with this part.
Do I love you do I hate you, I got a dyslexic heart

First Car Blues.....

2006-06-05T11:59:00.000+08:00

Sheesh..... I never realized owning a car is like taking care of a baby! Maintenance and accessories aren't cheap! Huhuhuhu!

Dancing In The Dark

2006-06-02T05:16:00.000+08:00

Bruce Springsteen

I get up in the evening
And I ain't got nothing to say
I come home in the morning
I go to bed feeling the same way
I ain't nothing but tired
Man I´m just tired and bored with myself
Hey there baby I could use just a little help
-Chorus-
You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Message keeps getting clearer
Radio's on and I'm moving 'round the place
I check my look in the mirror
I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face
Man I ain't getting nowhere just living
In a dump like this
There's something happening somewhere
Baby I just know that there is
-Chorus-
You sit around getting older
There's a joke here somewhere and it's on me
I'll shake this world off my shoulder
Come on baby the laugh's on me
Stay on the streets of this town
And they'll be carving you up all right
They say you gotta stay hungry
Hey baby I'm just about starving tonight
I'm dying for some action
I'm sick of sitting 'round here trying to write
This book
I need a love reaction
Come on now baby gimme just one look
You can't start a fire sitting 'round crying
Over a broken heart
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
You can't start a fire worrying about
Your little world falling apart
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Even if we're just dancing in the dark...

Fun For Me

2006-06-02T05:12:00.000+08:00

Portishead & Moloko

I dreamt that I was dreaming
I was wired to a clock
Tickled by the minute hand
Tick tock tick tick tock
I dream I'm on a train
And it is making music
I don't remember getting on
Clickity click clickity click
I dreamt that I was very tall
I was bigger than king kong
I heard the bells the bells
Are ringing a ding dong a ding dong
I dream that I am sitting
In the devil's company
He gave a solemn promise
Fe fi fo fun for me
I dreamt that I was chasing
The monster out of me
I caught him in the corner
Ha ha hee hee hee hee
I dream I'm in a tunnel
Between here and now
Scooby doobie
Where would you be?
Bow wow wow wow
I dream I'm at a crossroads
No place left to go
I look in each direction
Eenie meanie miny mo
I dream that I am spying
It's you i'm looking at
There's a knocking at the window
A rin tin tin tin a rin tin tin
I dream I am an ostrich
Head deep in the sand
There is a rhythm that's a playing
Fantastic elastic band
I dreamt that the bogeyman went down on Mr. Spock
Sugar was a flowing
Sock it to 'em sock
I dreamt I saw a moo cow
Jump across the moon
Just a flight of fantasy
zoom zoom zoom
I dreamt I met a spaceman
He took me to his ship
You know he cut my hair off
Snip snip snip
I dreamt that I was sleeping
Asleep for heaven's sake
The dream that I was dreaming
It caused me to awake
fe fi fo fun for me fun for me
fe fi fo fun for me fun for me
I dreamt I was way up I was standing on the top
With the feeling I was falling
bop beep bop
I dreamt that I was jumping in a circus through a hoop
Someone shut the lights off
shoo-be-doop
I dreamt that I was fast
I was never shutting up
I was going in a hurry
I was giddy-up giddy-up
I dream I'm in the park
I'm standing in the nudey
I'm getting what I wanted
tootie fruity tootie fruity
Fe fi fo fun for me fun for me
Fe fi fo fun for me fun for me
I dreamt that I was dreaming I was wired to a clock
Tickled by the minute hand
Tock tick tock
I dream I'm on a train
And it is making music
I don't remember getting on
Clickity click
I dreamt that I was very tall bigger than king kong
I heard the bells are ringing
a ring ding dong
I dream I am an ostrich deep in the sand
Rhythm that's a playing elastic band
Elastic band
Elastic band
Fe fi fo fun for me fun for me
Fe fi fo fun for me fun for me
Fe fi fo fun for me fun for me
Fe fi fo fun for me fun for me
Fe fi fo fun for me fun for me
Fe fi fo fun for me fun for me
Fe fi fo fun for me fun for me

The Princessa

2006-05-30T05:18:00.000+08:00

From Harriet Rubin's The Princessa, Machiavelli For Women.

1. A Princessa discovers her true strength by knowing her enemy.

2. They live their lives as people for whom triumph is a birthright.

3. From their earliest days, they mark themselves as different from others.

4. They are loners. Even with their families, they consider themselves aliens, and they recognize this as power. It doesn't embarass them, it inspires them.

5. Married or not, Princessas stand apart. Contemporary psychology praises the value of women's "connections" and relationships but the powerful women of history coveted the power of separateness. It gave them the opportunity for more than self-confidence: "self-love," which poet Walt Whitman described in his phrase "I inhabit my soul," was a feeling they understood.

6. Like children and great wild cats, Freud said, powerful women seem self-contained, mysterious, and this accounts for the fascination they exert on others.

7. Are such women born extraordinary? Or do they become extraordinary because they set themselves apart, in a psychological atmosphere where they are measured against no one's standards but their own?

8. They never consider themselves brave. Princessas feel they are doing no more than what can be done. They may know they are smart, even unique. But they don't call themselves brave. Diane Fosey, the primatologist, said heights had always made her scream, "like a baptized baby." But once she got into the jungles of Africa, she climbed ravines with the gorillas of the mist she avidly studied. These warriors relax in the face of danger the way other women relax in front of their TVs. In a tough situatioin, they behave as if they've already won, because they don't believe they can lose. They go into battle with a winner's calm. The poet Rainer Maria Rilke said, "Follow your fear." That is what heroic women do. Their greatest power comes in ridding themselves of the very thing that shamed them and making this old fear their source of pride.

9. They treat destiny as their mentor.

10. Pushed to a boiling point, princessas don't get outraged; they get outrageous!

11. Desire is the key; it reframes reality. Princessas express their desire with a diva's virtuosity. They don't hold back. They don't doubt their desire; they feel entitled to their wishes, and they use the potency of them. It is said that women are like teabags; it's only when they're in hot water that you realize how strong they are. In hot water, women's desire boils.

12. A woman who recognizes public love regards nothing and no one as firmly opposed to her. Every enemy is a potential ally. She gets close to her enemy as much as she would to a belovd. She is keen to strenghten the enemy, not weaken him or her. She uses truth as a weapon when even Sun Tzu or Stonewall Jackson advises one to "mislead, mystify, and disguise."

Phoenix-like...

2006-05-29T14:04:00.000+08:00

I watched Xmen 3. It's fuckin' depressing! Want to be like Phoenix though..... Sans the schizoprenia...

Soul Patrol

2006-05-29T13:53:00.000+08:00

I am so glad and quite relieved that Taylor Hicks won this year's American Idol competition. It's one of my guilty pleasures and I've been watching it since the season began just because of him. He's different. He's got soul. I knew he was going to win from the moment I saw him during the audition. He's the kind of guy who just loves to sing! I don't even think he thought he'd make it as far as the Kodak theatre. He was just there to sing and have a good time. He didn't care what he looked like (although he did improve throughout the season), didn't care what song he sang, he made the stage his own and when he sings, people really listen.

For a moment there I thought they were going to choose Katherine McPhee. If that was what happened, then she would just be like Kelly, Carrie, Fantasia. Girls who can sing but do not have personalities at all. Although she has some edge over the others. She sure is a looker.

But looks can only get you so far..... Not that far though.....

America finally chose wisely. Sure hope they'd chose wisely when voting for presidents and politicians. Hehehe!

Painting a picture...

2006-05-25T00:57:00.000+08:00

A while ago I was walking up the stairs, tired, weary, ready to just collapse. I looked up, not quite there yet, I saw a soft amber glow on the wall. I was drawn to it. Heavy steps became hurried steps, wanting to know where the source is. I realized it was a beam of sunlight from outside the window facing the wall. I walked towards the window, enchanted by a display of purple hues with some touches of orange and blues. It was a wonderful sight to behold. It's been a while since I've looked up the sky & wathced the horizon as the sun sets.

Tonight... for the first time in years... I've painted sunset... just as it should be.

Wala Lang.....

2006-05-18T13:23:00.000+08:00

Have neglected my blog. Stupid work (nah not really), stupid everything.....

May I just say I think it's stupid how the Catholic Church is trying to ban the Da Vinci Code from being shown in movie houses. Don't they realize the more they try to ban it the more they tweak people's curiosity? It's like placing a huge WET PAINT DO NOT TOUCH sign on a wall.

Fascinations, Part 1

2006-03-16T16:06:00.000+08:00

From now on, I'm going o be writing about things that fascinate me...

SUPERNATURAL, PARANORMAL, & THE OCCULT

I've always been fascinated with ghosts, ghost stories, scary movies, haunted houses, witches, vampires, you name it. I remember watching those crappy horror movies back in the 80's when I was a kid. Scared shitless but loving it. I also remember wanting to become a vampire back when I started reading Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles. I also am fascinated with death.

I don't have a clue why I'm fascinated though. My friends find it morbid. Maybe it's more of me wanting to discover more of what's unknown. I'm a logical person and I guess it's me wanting to find logic where logic doesn't exist(?).

I guess it also has something to do with personal experiences like me being able to see spirits, ghosts, entities. Yes..... I'm one of those people who can see. I don't claim to have esp or to be a clairvoyant. I just can. That's it.

I remember watching tv and seeing little things running around the floor playing peekaboo with each other.

I remember seeing a kid sitting on top of the stairs at our old house, crying and thinking. Mind you, there are no kids in the house. Just me, my parents, my sister (who was I think 14 back then), and my great aunt.

I remember being attacked by an entity in my room and had scratches the next day to prove I wasn't having a nightmare or was hallucinating.

I remember hearing my name being called when there's no one around me.

I can go on and on about all of the experiences I've had but..... nevermind.

I was scared out of my wits at first. I thought I was going crazy. My parents always told me I have a hyperactive imagination. Once I've gotten over my fear, I found it kind of cool, although not that amusing.

I have a psychic friend who taught me how to meditate and control. He also taught me how to read people. When I say read people, I mean read how they think, what they're thinking, how they are as a person.

I've been researching on clairvoyance, meditation, the occult, paranormal for quite some time now. Whenever I read whatever material I can find, especially on the internet, it makes a skeptic out of me more than a believer.

My psychic friend told me to research on Franz Bardon and his methods. So far, it's been interesting, albeit being a bit cerebral even for me (Bardon's methods). Once I finish up on what I'm reading, and as soon as I find more time, I'm gonna go ahead and write more about this fascination which I think will never go away.

More Than A Feeling

2006-03-10T11:51:00.000+08:00

Boston

I looked out this morning and the sun was gone
Turned on some music to start my day
I lost myself in a familiar song
I closed my eyes and I slipped away
It's more than a feeling, when I hear that old song they used to
play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
'till I see Marianne walk away
I see my Marianne walkin' away
So many people have come and gone
Their faces fade as the years go by
Yet I still recall as I wander on
as clear as the sun in the summer sky
It's more than a feeling, when I hear that old song they used to
play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
'till I see Marianne walk away
I see my Marianne walkin' away
When I'm tired and thinking cold
I hide in my music, forget the day
and dream of a girl I used to know
I closed my eyes and she slipped away
She slipped away. She slipped away
It's more than a feeling, when I hear that old song they used to
play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
'till I see Marianne walk away

Incompetencies Part 1

2006-02-23T18:06:00.000+08:00

I swear to God! Traffic cops are the most incompetent creatures to walk the face of the earth! I just got back from a visit to my doc friend's clinic in Ortigas and I got apprehended from parking in a PARKING ZONE!!!!! The thing is, I have absolutely no idea what his reason was. When I confronted the stupid bastard all I can understand was "ma'am..... blah blah blah blah blah..... bawal..... blah blah blah blah blah..... lisensya....." I asked him why I can't park in a frikkin parking zone and he can't even give me a straight answer!

How I wish this country was technologically advanced as Japan and have money to spare like First World countries to fund a research and development team so we can replace these incompetent creatures with robots and computers! Am mortified to see how they spend and use the taxes I pay.

Taking it one step further...

2006-02-23T07:25:00.000+08:00

Isn't it so true? I mean, am I making a bit of sense or am I getting crazy again?

Most men get spent with blowjobs alone, not even the entire sexual act. Besides, once women start ruling the world, we'd hardly have time to fuck. Plus, sex sort of complicates things. Men can get whiney too, you know... not just women.

Of course I'm talking about men, in general. I know for some men, blowjobs aren't enough, but those men are rare.

One of my friends said gladiators have sex slaves to keep them happy. I said them gladiators were gay. Hahaha! Most Romans were gay. Besides, I wouldn't compare gladiators to soldiers or warriors. I'd most likely compare them to wrestlers today. They were there for the emperor's entertainment and amusement. They fight amongst themselves, and against animals. The theory that blowjobs can stop war apply to real soldiers, men who go to war, and men in general, I guess (assuming all men are single-track minded).

Remember the movie Troy? The first scene, Achilles was late for battle because he was in bed with two(?) women. Yeah, you can say he's always late because of contempt for the king. So what? That day he was late because of sex. Imagine if that happened to both side's battalion?

Some would say men masturbate all the time, that's their form of release. Well..... A blowjob is way better than a handjob right? Ask Mr. Clinton! Hehe! Besides, even a retard won't pass up a blowjob, whether it be good or bad. Which brings us to another discussion, "Is there such a thing as a bad blow job?" Not now though.....

Blowjobs: The Answer To World Peace

2006-02-22T15:01:00.000+08:00

The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world but the mouth that sucks the rod brings peace...

My friend Faye and I were having a discussion over YM minutes ago. She had an epiphany. She said, "if men got blowjobs every single day of their lives, there'd be no more war." She's so right. It's a completely brilliant thought! I mean, men would be too spent to fight. I think she's just discovered the answer to world peace. How simple can it be! Blowjobs! Who would've thought!

Take The Color Quiz!

2006-02-22T14:11:00.000+08:00

http://www.colorquiz.com

My results:

YOUR EXISTING SITUATION:
Active, outgoing, and restless. Feels frustrated by the slowness with which events develop along the desired lines. This leads to irritability, changeability, and lack of persistence when pursuing a given objective.

YOUR STRESS SOURCES:
Resilience and tenacity have become weakened. Feels overtaxed, worn out, and getting nowhere, but continues to stand her ground. She feels this adverse situation as an actual tangible pressure which is intolerable to her and from which she wants to escape, but she feels unable to make the necessary decision.

YOUR RESTRAINED CHARACTERISTICS:
Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity but tends to hold aloof emotionally.

YOUR DESIRED OBJECTIVES:
Suffering from the effects of those things which are being rejected as disagreeable, and is strongly resisting them. Just wants to be left in peace.

YOUR ACTUAL PROBLEMS:
The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond her capabilities, or reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. Her inability to enforce her will causes her to over-react in stubborn defiance and by assigning to others all the blame for her own failures.The fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants drives her to the exploitation of all types of experience, so that she may categorically deny that any of them has any value. This destructive denigration becomes her method of concealing hopelessness and a profound sense of futility.

Nelson Mandela's 1994 Inaugural Speech

2006-02-22T13:25:00.000+08:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be?... Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.

Machiavelli For Women

2006-02-22T13:16:00.000+08:00

From Harriet Rubin's The Princessa, Machiavelli For Women.

1. A Princessa discovers her true strength by knowing her enemy.

2. They live their lives as people for whom triumph is a birthright.

3. From their earliest days, they mark themselves as different from others.

4. They are loners. Even with their families, they consider themselves aliens, and they recognize this as power. It doesn't embarass them, it inspires them.

5. Married or not, Princessas stand apart. Contemporary psychology praises the value of women's "connections" and relationships but the powerful women of history coveted the power of separateness. It gave them the opportunity for more than self-confidence: "self-love," which poet Walt Whitman described in his phrase "I inhabit my soul," was a feeling they understood.

6. Like children and great wild cats, Freud said, powerful women seem self-contained, mysterious, and this accounts for the fascination they exert on others.

7. Are such women born extraordinary? Or do they become extraordinary because they set themselves apart, in a psychological atmosphere where they are measured against no one's standards but their own?

8. They never consider themselves brave. Princessas feel they are doing no more than what can be done. They may know they are smart, even unique. But they don't call themselves brave. Diane Fosey, the primatologist, said heights had always made her scream, "like a baptized baby." But once she got into the jungles of Africa, she climbed ravines with the gorillas of the mist she avidly studied. These warriors relax in the face of danger the way other women relax in front of their TVs. In a tough situatioin, they behave as if they've already won, because they don't believe they can lose. They go into battle with a winner's calm. The poet Rainer Maria Rilke said, "Follow your fear." That is what heroic women do. Their greatest power comes in ridding themselves of the very thing that shamed them and making this old fear their source of pride.

9. They treat destiny as their mentor.

10. Pushed to a boiling point, princessas don't get outraged; they get outrageous!

11. Desire is the key; it reframes reality. Princessas express their desire with a diva's virtuosity. They don't hold back. They don't doubt their desire; they feel entitled to their wishes, and they use the potency of them. It is said that women are like teabags; it's only when they're in hot water that you realize how strong they are. In hot water, women's desire boils.

12. A woman who recognizes public love regards nothing and no one as firmly opposed to her. Every enemy is a potential ally. She gets close to her enemy as much as she would to a belovd. She is keen to strenghten the enemy, not weaken him or her. She uses truth as a weapon when even Sun Tzu or Stonewall Jackson advises one to "mislead, mystify, and disguise."

I Carry Your Heart With Me

2006-02-21T13:43:00.000+08:00

E.E. Cummings

I carry your heart with me

(I carry it in my heart)

I am never without it

(Anywhere I go you go, my dear;

and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate

(For you are my fate, my sweet)

I want no world

(For beautiful you are my world, my true)

And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

And whatever a sun will always sing is you
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

And the sky of the sky of a tree called life;

Which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart(I carry it in my heart)

The First Cut Is The Deepest

2006-02-17T09:17:00.000+08:00

Sheryl Crow

I would've given you all of my heart

But there's someone who's torn it apart

And he's taken just all that I had

But if you want I'll try to love again

Baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest baby I know

The first cut is the deepest

But when it comes to bein' lucky he's cursed

And when it comes to lovin me, he's worst

I still want you by my side

Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried

And I'm sure gonna give you a try

Cause if you want I'll try to love again (try)

Baby I'll try to love again but I know (o-oh)

The first cut is the deepest

Baby I knowthe first cut is the deepest

But when it comes to bein' lucky he's cursed

And when it comes to lovin' me, he's worst

(Guitar solo)

I still want you by my side

Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried

But I'm sure gonna give you a try

Cause if you want I'll try to love again (try to love again)

Baby I'll try to love again but I know (o-o-oh)

The first cut is the deepest

Baby I know the first cut is the deepest

But when it comes to bein lucky he's cursed

And when it comes to lovin me he's worst (o-o-oh)

The first cut is the deepest baby I know

The first cut is the deepest

Try to love again

Random Thoughts & Unsent Letters...

2006-02-17T09:05:00.000+08:00

You asked me what I see in you..... I never gave you an answer. Contrary to your claim as being a simple man, you are far more complex. I see many things in you. Like what you see in me, I see part of myself in you, too. We are different in a lot of ways, and yet so alike in many other ways. I guess we're like yin & yang... Complimenting each other's ways effortlessly. I see in you a goodness that you are unaware of. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you are not bad & perverted as how you think you are. I see a kind, generous, caring man that not a lot of people get to see. I've had the privilege of geting to know you sans the masks you wear. I like the person beneath all those masks the most. That is what drew me most to you...

New Year Blues.....

2006-01-10T17:22:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year, I guess.....

Feeling a bit depressed though.

Don't know why.....

In memory of my precious twins...

2005-11-10T13:50:00.000+08:00

Ode To Sadness...

2005-10-27T03:37:00.000+08:00

Pablo Neruda

Sadness, scarab
with seven crippled feet,
spiderweb egg,
scramble-brained rat,
bitch's skeleton:
No entry here.
Don't come in.
Go away.
Go back
south with your umbrella,
go back
north with your serpent's teeth.
A poet lives here.
No sadness may
cross the threshold.
Through these windows
comes the breath of the world,
fresh red roses,
flags embroidered with
the victories of people.
No.
No entry.
Flap
your bat's wings,
I will trample the feathers
that fall from your mantle,
I will sweep the bits and pieces
of your carcass to
the four corners of the wind,
I will wring your neck,
I will stitch your eyelids shut,
I will sew your shroud,
sadness, and bury your rodent bones
beneath the springtime of an apple tree.

Don't Go Far Off...

2005-10-27T03:29:00.000+08:00

Pablo Neruda

Don't go far off, not eve for a day, because --
because -- I don't know hw to say it: a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.

Don't leave me, even for an hour, because
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.

Oh, may your sillhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don't leave me for a second my dearest,

because in that moment you'll have gone so far
I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?

I Do Not Love You...

2005-10-27T03:24:00.000+08:00

Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth , lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

that this: where I do not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

If You Forget Me

2005-10-27T03:14:00.000+08:00

Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all the fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

I Crave Your Mouth...

2005-10-27T03:09:00.000+08:00

Pablo Neruda

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me all day.
I hunt for the liquid measures of your steps.

I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.

I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,

and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,
hunting for you, for your hot heart,
like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.

If

2005-10-13T09:04:00.000+08:00

Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait, and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk to wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - not lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but not too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Para mi amigo del corazon...

2005-09-21T11:55:00.000+08:00

For mi amigo del corazon... I will never forget...

Standing Alone
Carmelia Delia Lanza

"And Ruth said, Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from the following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people and thy God my God..."

"Charles is where the garden will be,"
I tell my son on Palm Sunday,
the frost may still hit while we transform
the sand into soil for plants that pull me back,
an umbilical cord to my father.
I have resisted this gardening for a long time but now
I water the tree and feel this planting in my bones:
he talks about heirloom seeds from one generation to another
and my mother holds a bag of seeds in her garage,
she tells me she doesn't know what to do with them.
"The grass has taken over the garden," she says
as it should take over the world,
"I can't bend over anymore, I fall down."

Your body is over me and you ask me if I think of anyone else
while we f**k. Coming with you inside of me is not like my past.
I feel I turn myself inside out, skin is gone and I feel all
I have done, all I have meant to do brings me to this place,
the world moving night to day slowly under our bodies,
a thin moon is holding its breath, forgetting our names again.

We walk in the snow on this island where I was born,
my mother has no boots and steps in my footsteps.
The snow is up to our knees.
I have the number of the row and headstone,
my mother stops, she can't breathe,
she jokes that this would be the best place to die,
we would save some money, we could just throw her in a hole.
I keep going until I am standing over my father's half-year grave,
the wind wants to lift me over the headstone.
But I stand, a market of gravity, feeling the pull
to the center, feeling your heavy back against my breasts,
licking your black hair in the night,
no more talking, no more waving a hand, "forget about it,
"I have no moment left, no passing of fingers,
no stand of hair on my backbone,
I bury the seashells and let the wind lift me up;
my mother goes back to the car and says
she thought she was going to fall down.

I take my son to the ocean and we gather winter sand for you,
a man who is now my friend and will soon be my lover,
a seagull shivers a few feet away, looking for a warm spot.
I cannot offer him any hope while I dig with my fingers down,
your request was said as a joke and yet I take it seriously,
I will not understand your intensity until I am breathing
alone in my bed holding air that was once you.

V. much like Bridget

2005-09-20T11:38:00.000+08:00

I was reading Bridget Jones' diary and it made me realize how much my own life is similar to hers. Too much drama, anxiety, bloopers.

Hmmm...

Quand est-ce que je vous reverrai?

2005-09-02T21:46:00.000+08:00

3 Degrees

Quand est-ce que je vous reverrai?
Quand partagerons-nous des moments precieux ?
Est-ce que je devrai attendre pour toujours?
Ou volonte que je dois souffriret pleurent-elles toute la nuit a travers?
Quand est-ce que je vous reverrai?
Quand notre battement de coeurs ensemble?
Sommes-nous dans l'amour ou les amis justes?
Est-ce que ce mon commence ou est ceci l'extremite?
Quand est-ce que je vous reverrai?
Sommes nous dans l'amour ou les amis justes
Est ce mon commencement ou est ceci l'extremite
Quand je vous reverrai...

Sensacion Hueco y Desorientado

2005-08-31T00:46:00.000+08:00

(Para mi amigo muy especial...)

He estado haciendo muchos de pensamiento y muchos de escritura. Tuvo que compartir algunos de mis pensamientos con usted, fingiendo el riesgo de este email que es enterrado por debajo demillares de email de por todas partes. Tambien fingiendo el riesgo de revelar demasiado de mis pensamientospero con usted puedo ser justo yo sin el un monton de mascaras y sinlas paredes que me protejo con. Espero que usted no importe.

Puesto que me volvi del viaje yo sientase tan desorientado y hueco. Nunca me he sentido asi que desarraigado en mi vida entera. No se... El viaje me cambio quiza. En alguna parte a lo largo de las 3 semanas gane quiza una ciertaperspectiva en cuanto a lo que me suponen hacer en vez de lo que yo yael hacer de la. Me siento como pertenezco un cierto lugar . Me siento como debo hacer algo mayor. ¿Siempre le dije que usted haga siempre que desee ser mejor que comoyo ya? Usted puede ser que no este enterado de el pero usted me empuja paraintentar mas dificilmente, para sobresalir aun mas, para ser aun mas ambicioso. Para tirar para la galaxia mas lejana en vez apenas de la luna y delas estrellas.

Se que soy apenas uno de los amigos de la senora de la abundanciaque usted le tiene pero agradece por ser un amigo a mi. Aprecio su amistad mas que cualquier cosa . Usted es uno muy del pocos quienes puedo relacionarme con y quienespuede entenderme. Gracias por hacerme realizan muchos de cosas. Gracias por ensenarme. Gracias por dejarme tienen una ojeada en quienes usted realmente essin ningunas mascaras. Tengo gusto de verle sin sus mascaras. Absolutamente ningunos pretentions en todos. No los muchos de gente consiguen considerar que usted sin susmascaras y yo pity las para juzgarle tan rapidamente. Deseo a veces que puedo defenderle, pero se que no necesito decir cualquier cosa para su propio motivo ypara mi propio motivo. Ambos sabemos cual es verdadero y cual no es. El es que importa, Conjeturo. Aunque me lastima porque piensan que soy un slut y una puta que debenapenas permanecer lejos de usted porque usted tiene ya una novia. Eso es que me hace triste...

Como uno de sus amigos, Espero que usted también aprenda de mi del poco que puedoofrecerle, conocimiento-sabio, experiencia-sabio. Soy ni una nieta de una justicia del Tribunal Supremo, ni una hija de un general, Soy justo yo y todo lo que tengo que ofrecer es mismo. Espero que le haga sonrisa de mi propia pequena manera. Usted siempre me hace sonrisa. Espero le ofrezca consuelo y espero haga a veces que usted se olvidesobre las cosas de las cuales usted se preocupa. Usted tiene ese efecto en mi. Usted hace que se olvida, usted me hace tranquilo. Incluso sus ronquidos en la noche cuando somos juntos en cama measeguran y tranquilizan que todo es aceptable. No entiendo como o porque pero esa es la clase de efecto ustedtiene en mi.

Tengo que admitir, y espero que usted no importe, en un momento de la claridad (puedo pedir prestada esta linea deusted?) faltare el kilolitro (incluso falto Singapur hasta este momento). No tanto como faltar el lugar sí mismo pero yo faltara laexperiencia entera que tenia. Siendo enfermo en el kilolitro, circundar la ciudad, cocinando para usted, emborrachando con usted y Dennis y Tim (y sus muchachas), satisfacer a nueva gente, nuestras conversaciones, abrazarle, masaje de usted, calmar su frente, facilitar su ceno. Sobretodo, Le faltare. Se, se... todas las partidas son temporales.

Tuve que lavar todas mis ropas otra vez para quitar el olor. El olor del acondicionador de la tela todavia esta alli. Me recuerda tanto su cojin. Las ropas que dormi adentro tienen su olor. El sarong que duermo adentro tiene manchas en el. No lave esos. La parte de mi desea olvidarse, para mi a poder funcionar correctamente. La cosa es el es dura para que se olvide. Conjeturo que soy un tonto sentimental tambien. Usted me dijo una vez que usted se olvida facilmente. Como usted lo hace? Como usted se olvida facilmente? Deseo que tenia eso en mi. No que deseo olvidarme de usted, las experiencias, los viajes. Esos que me trabare por siempre en mi mente y en mi corazon...

Recuerdo varias noches en cama, usted me pediria 20 anos de ahora si le recuerdo. Por supuesto! Como podria usted incluso pensarme se olvidara de usted? Es como usted espera que paremos el ser amigos! Seria la persona pasada en la tierra para olvidarse de usted. Usted se olvidaria quiza de mi primero pero si esa es la manera esentonces yo acaba de tener que aceptar eso. Usted piensa a veces en lo que pareceria el futuro para ambos le eI? Usted me piensa seria acertado? Usted me piensa seria casado? Usted sacudariria la mano del hombre que terminaria eventual paraarriba con? Por que usted no befriend a mi marido? (Hahahaha! Todavia pienso que usted terminaria encima de tener hijas y ningunoshijos en todos. Es su karma.), usted protegera a mis cabritos si se presenta la necesidad? Usted vendra a mi entierro? Usted vertera los rasgones para mi?

Para contestar a todas sus preguntas otra vez... Le recordare si siempre siempre. Pity y me reire si a mujer que usted terminara para arriba con. Le visitare si en Vietnam y en a cualquier pais ellos cruz-posteusted (pero solamente si usted me desea). Usted estara si en mi lista del esperma-donante. No se si usted recuerda pero cuando usted era el casi dormido queigualaba, usted dijo a mi que soy especial a usted y usted me pregunto siusted es especial a mi. Nunca le di una respuesta. Usted es si especial a mi.

Y con eso extremo de I esta letra. No espero usted conteste puesto que usted esta muy ocupado peroespero que usted guarde esto con usted siempre. La esperanza segura I usted no la suprimira.

Su amiga del corazon...

Ortigas Night Out

2005-07-02T22:42:00.000+08:00

My bestfriend Marie recently came back from the U.S. Here are some photos of us pigging out and getting drunk at Ortigas.

My Life Path Number

2005-06-08T13:46:00.000+08:00

11
The number 11 Life Path has the connotation of illumination describing its general focus. This is the number associated with spiritual awareness. As one of the two master numbers, the 11 yields understanding and knowledge beyond the grasp of others. The attitude toward life of those possessing this Life Path is somewhat extreme; extremely intuitive, avant-garde, idealistic, visionary, and cultured. These extremes make you an interesting, if unusual person, with much to offer society. The Life Path 11 person is deep-thinking, and you are no doubt interested in understanding many of life's mysteries and more intriguing facets. Your inventive mind and broad-minded views will permit you to succeed in life in any number of ventures. You can best serve society, however, in those endeavors utilizing your skills of counseling and guidance. Much of your idealism is people oriented and quite humanitarian in nature. You expect a great deal of yourself and of those to whom you are close.

On the negative side, there is a lot of nervous tension associated with the 11 life path, and you can be a difficult person to deal with because of this. For this reason, relationships, at times, can be difficult. This is a Life Path that seems to feature broad mood swings between the elation and depression. You are likely to have trouble making decisions and getting your life in gear, so to speak. There is a tendency for the 11 to harbor feelings of uneasiness, and dissatisfaction with accomplishments and personal progress in life. Your grandiose schemes usually make sense, but you can get off the track and they can be very impractical. You have a very distinct side that lacks common sense, and you are quite often unable to distinguish between fantasy and reality. In this regard, you are perhaps more of a dreamer than a doer. When you do get on target, your ideas seem to have been inspired on high. Perhaps you are not a leader, but you are a visionary and a very talented idea person.

Birthday Calculator

2005-06-08T13:45:00.000+08:00

You entered: 9/12/1979

You were born on a Wednesday
under the astrological sign Virgo.
Your Life path number is 11.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2444128.5.
The golden number for 1979 is 4.
The epact number for 1979 is 2.
The year 1979 was not a leap year.

As of 6/8/2005 12:39:13 AM CDT
You are 25 years old.
You are 309 months old.
You are 1,343 weeks old.
You are 9,401 days old.
You are 225,624 hours old.
You are 13,537,479 minutes old.
You are 812,248,753 seconds old.

There are 96 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 26 candles on it.

Those 26 candles produce 26 BTU's,
or 6,552 calories of heat (that's only 6.5520 food Calories!) .
You can boil 2.97 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Your birth tree is

Weeping Willow, the Melancholy
Beautiful but full of melancholy, attractive, very empathic, loves anything beautiful and tasteful, loves to travel, dreamer, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with, demanding, good intuition, suffers in love but finds sometimes an anchoring partner.

There are 200 days till Christmas 2005!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waning gibbous.

Countdown

2005-06-06T11:29:00.000+08:00

Two more months.....

Two more months and I'm off to a well-deserved month-long hiatus/vacation.
Two more months and I'll be having my own tan lines.
Two more months and I'll be splurging money on some shopping.
Two more months and I can't hardly wait...

to see you
touch you
feel you
kiss you
embrace you.

Tell Me Lies

2005-05-19T00:36:00.000+08:00

If I could turn the page
The time that I'd be arranged
Is today to
~Close my, close my, close my eyes~
But I couldn't find a way
So I'll settle for one day
To believe in you
~Tell me, tell me, tell me lies~

(Chorus)
Tell Me Lies, tell me sweet little lies
~Tell Me Lies, Tell me tell me lies~
Oh no no, you can't disguise
~You can't disguise, no you can't disguise~
Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies

And though I'm not making plans
I hope that you understand
There's a reason why
~Close your, close your eyes~
No more broken hearts
We're better off apart
Let's give it a try
~Tell me, tell me lies~

(Repeat Chorus)

If I could turn the page
The time that I'd be arranged
Is today to
~Close my, close my, close my eyes~
But I couldn't find a way
So I'll settle for one day
To believe in you
~Tell me, tell me, tell me lies~

(Repeat Chorus)

--Fleetwood Mac

Another Favorite Bloom...

2005-05-12T16:07:00.000+08:00

Feeling triumphant

2005-04-22T09:47:00.000+08:00

I never thought I'd last 6 months at work, but I did it! Somehow I feel triumphant because I'm doing something totally different from what I normally do. It just feels good to know you can be good at something else.

Let's see if I'll last a year...

Bad, But So Damn Beautiful...

2005-04-03T09:11:00.000+08:00

Bad because you don't love me
Bad because you never touch me
Bad because you have a mouth
Bad because whenever you please

Bas as lies
Bad breath, constipation
Bad as censorship
As a bald rat in garbage
Bad as poverty
As a driver's license photo
Bas as a rubber check
As smacking your granny

Bad as trichinosis Bad as a hit man
Bad as spiders
Bad and full of cunning

Bad as order, decency, or a good conscience
Bad wherever you look
Bad as a throbbing root canal
Bad as a rusty nail
Bad as a Czech film
Bad as a cold soup
Bad as the end of the century

Bad by nature
Bad from head to foot
Bad, bad, bad
Bad, but so damn beautiful

LILIANA FELIPE

May I Never Die, May I Never Disappear.

2005-04-03T08:58:00.000+08:00

I am drunk, crying, filled with grief,
Thinking, speaking,
And this I finde inside:
May I never die,
May I never disappear.
There, where there is no death,
There, where death is conquered,
Let it be there that I go.
May I never die,
May I never disappear.

Ms. "Cantares mexicanos," fol. 17 v.
NEZAHUALCOYOTL
Trece Poetas del Mundo Azteca
Miguel Leon-Portilla

My Favorite Blooms II

2005-03-24T13:07:00.000+08:00

Family Ties II

2005-03-24T12:20:00.000+08:00

I hate the kind of family I was born into. I hate the blood running in my veins. There..... I said it.

My family's going through very rough times right now and I'm feeling the pressure. I wish it were financial issues because at least that's easy to solve. Money is easy to come by. It's far more complicated than that, sad to say.

Simply put... my family is falling apart & I can't take it anymore.

From busy bee to couch potato.

2005-02-25T21:06:00.001+08:00

Been very busy lately with a lot of work. Don't even have time for myself. Surfing the internet has become a luxury for me.

But just when I think I won't have time to relax, my schedule clears up the very last minute. I could've went to Boracay with some friends. I could've planned a fabulous weekend. But no.....

Here I am, stuck at home, with nothing to do. I guess a date with the DVD player sounds ok at this point.

Everybody's Changing

2005-02-12T14:39:00.000+08:00

by Keane

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can

You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same

(instrumental)

You're gone from here
Soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
'cos everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same

(solo)

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same

Family ties...

2005-02-05T13:43:00.000+08:00

My family is falling apart. Since the death of my grandmother a year ago, things haven't been the same. It's like she took all the happiness with her when she died.

My 80 year old grandfather have had several girlfriends within months of her death. For a military man, he is weak when it comes to women. I don't know if he just misses having someone, or if he's reeling from the death of his lifelong partner. The latest one caused a lot of tension & drama between family members, including myself. This gold-digging bitch almost married my grandpa days before my grandma's 1st year death anniversary. You can just imagine what kind of drama was going on here at home and at my grandpa's house. Good thing the wedding didn't push through. I hope to God it never will.

Lately, I've been noticing my dad has this faraway look on his face. He's been a lot cranky, too. I guess it was because of the argument he & my mom had with my grandpa last Christmas. They were arguing about the gold-digging girlfriend. They haven't spoken to each other until last week. It was my grandma's 1st year death anniversary.

My aunts are aggitated over what's been happening. I keep on telling them to come home and help take care of grandpa, but it seems like an unfair request since they do have their own families in the United States. It's just that it's unfair to my dad, as well as to myself, to be burdened with such huge responsibilities like taking care of him as well as managing the entire family business. My dad has his work & he wants no part of the family business. I have my own work, my own life, and I feel like they expect too much from me. How can they expect me to take care of an 80-year old man? How can they expect me to take care of a real estate business when they know very well I have no concrete knowledge of running such business, save for the things they've taught me? How can they expect me to take care of a farm & other properties? I can easily just say no to all of those, but I made a promise to my grandma when she was still alive to take care of everything, to look after the family, to keep everyone and everything together. I just don't understand why me...

My friend told me I shouldn't be responsible for everything since I am only the granddaughter. He told me my grandpa is his children's responsibility. I know that. But how can they take care of him when they're far away? How can they take care of him when they have their own families, their own responsibilities, their own problems to deal with? I am bound to my promise to my grandma, my promise to my dad to help him out. Everyone depends on me.

Sometimes I get to thinking, am I really the only one they can depend on? I have cousins, my sister, my uncle. But that also answers my question. Yes, I am the only one. My uncle is an alcoholic, my cousins are weak. The rest are in the U.S. & they haven't even set foot in this country. They know nothing about what kind of family they have here in Manila. They won't be able to handle all of those. My sister is an entire problem herself.

I can't even begin how to describe her. If I do, you'd think I have but bad words to say about her. I guess you just have to experience living with her to know what I mean.

She's a very vulnerable person. Very gullible & very weak. She trusts her friends more than she does her own family. Nothing wrong with that except she's friends with the wrong people. She doesn't know how to choose her friends, which brought her a lot of harm. I've since left her alone to do her own thing. She just hates me more fore guiding her and trying to remind her. I can only do so much, you know. The rest is up to her. I just can't stand seeing her ruin her life like that. My parents are on the verge of giving up on her. I actually want them to give up on her. In my own opinion, she does not deserve the patience my parents show her. But who am I to say that. I'm not a parent.

Yesterday, I came home from work, wondering why my dad's car was parked in the garage. I went in the house, my mom greeted me, and the look on her face gave her away. Something went awfully wrong with my sister..... AGAIN.

I have always had a gut feeling that my sister was up to no good, again. I just kept my mouth shut because she already thinks we don't trust her. Then I found out she's still seeing the married guy. I just lost it. I was so angry I couldn't even cry. I didn't want to cry. I saw my dad crying. I heard my mom weeping. I hate it when I see them in sorrow. I hate seeing their faces so transparent, reflecting broken hearts. I just hate it. It's one thing when a parent sees their child hurt, it's another when a child sees a parent in sorrow. I wanted to make everything right for them. I wanted to take away all their pain. They don't deserve it. They've been nothing but good parents to us both. I tried understanding why she'd do such a thing. I don't think it's love. I would never call it love. I saw the married guy. He's just my age. I wanted to strangle him. He had the audacity to come to our house and tell us it's my sister who keeps on running after him. He told us his only mistake was that he didn't have the strength to stay away from my sister. That was the time I lost it. I know in my heart what he says about my sister is true, she does have the tendency to run after men, married or not. But to hear it from someone else was heart-breaking and disappointing. I looked at my mom and my dad, tears wear running down their faces. I told my sister and the guy in front of my parents to better end it or else they'll be answering to me from now on. I am not as patient and forgiving as my parents. I believe in revenge. I told the guy that I swear to God, if I see his face or here his name again, I will kill him with my own hands. I was this close to slapping my sister, too, for giving my parents such pain & suffering. My dad pulled me away. I hate him for doing that, but I guess it was just right.

I wanted to hurt her so bad. To make her feel my parents' pain. Because of what she did, my dad & my mom argued a lot. I wanted to kill the guy & his family. After the guy left, my sister had the audacity to defend the guy. She can't understand why we're so angry. My mother was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown because of her. My dad, so patient, so forgiving, was trying to patch things up between my mother and my sister. It was sickening. I told them, I told her, if she had a daughter who did the same to her, she wouldn't be jumping for joy. She'd react the same way. I told my mom & my dad to let her be. To let her ruin her own life. It's the only way she'd learn. They can't fix things for her all the time. They can't protect her all the time. They're not going to be here forever. But parents will always be parents. No matter how bad their children are, they're always willing to forgive, to love, to devote the rest of their lives to their children.

I've proven that yesterday.

Decisions, decisions.....

2005-02-02T17:29:00.000+08:00

I don't know if things are looking up or down right now. Everything's kind of messed up with my family. On the other hand I got a job offer out of the blue. Tempting but I already have a job I love. I would really have to think things over.

My Favorite Blooms.....

2005-01-26T13:15:00.000+08:00

The Nightmare Is Over!

2005-01-26T01:13:00.000+08:00

Thank God he woke up before things got really bad! I'm just really happy my grandpa decided to end things with his gold-digging whore of a girlfriend. I was ready to kill her myself if in case he did go on and marry her. I thought the postponed wedding was a temporary thing, but all of our hard work paid off! He came to his senses and just in time. God, I hope I don't ever see her again. I don't know what kind of things I might do to her if our paths ever cross again. I just have so much hatred for her. She almost ruined my family. I hope she rots in hell.

The Book Of Love

2005-01-20T01:07:00.001+08:00

by Peter Gabriel

The Book of Love is long & boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures
And instructions for dancing

But I, I love it when you read it to me
And you, you can read me anything

The Book of Love has music in it
In fact, that's where music comes from
Some of it's just transcendental
Some of it's just really dumb

But I, I love it when you sing to me
And you, you can sing me anything

The Book of Love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know

But I, I love it when you give me things
And you, you ought to give me wedding rings

And I, I love it when you give me things
And you, you ought to give me wedding rings

You ought to give me wedding rings

I heard this song while watching Shall We Dance on DVD the other day. I must say, it was a pretty dull movie. Probably the only good thing about it was this song. I love Peter Gabriel. I love this song so much, I was in tears when I heard it playing in the background. I guess I'm a softie after all...

Nasal

2005-01-19T22:51:00.000+08:00

I hate my nose. I wish I had a better one...

Hippie Mom

2005-01-18T18:44:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to think my mother is a hippie. She always yells at me for wearing black or dark-colored articles of clothing. Telling me it's not harmonious with nature and the elements to wear black all the time. Maybe it's why I've been having bad luck lately, so she says. According to her: "Bright colors are always associated with luck, and a harmonious environment. Dark colors evoke bad luck and dark energies. You should cleanse yourself by wearing bright colors all the time."

Everyday, I have these kinds of 'talks' with her. I wouldn't even consider it a conversation between us because she does most of the talking and I just grunt for acknowledgement.

Spirit & Soul.....

2005-01-18T18:03:00.000+08:00

You Are Rum

You're the life of the party, and a total flirt
You are also pretty picky about what you drink
Only the finest labels and best mixed cocktails will do
Except if you're dieting - then it's Diet Coke and Bacardi all the way

What alcoholic drink are you?

I'm the life of the party?! If that's the case, then that's one pretty dead party. Me?! A flirt?! I have a lot of friends who can testify I have not one flirting bone in my body.

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you awy from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

I seem to be getting results that are totally out of character, from these online quizzes.

How well do you people know me? Huh?! Huh?!

2005-01-10T14:24:00.000+08:00

http://zerreit79.friendtest.com

Take the test or else.....

Itchy & Scratchy

2005-01-10T13:58:00.000+08:00

My left arm is so fucking itchy! It takes my mind off the pain but oh my goodness..... Gimme pain & suffering anytime!!!!!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mummified.....

2005-01-07T13:36:00.000+08:00

My mummified, broken elbow.

Who hid the rhum?!?!?!

2005-01-07T13:32:00.000+08:00

Alvin: "Is it under the bed?"

I'm not drunk!!!!!

2005-01-07T13:26:00.000+08:00

Alvin: "I really am not. I'm just tired."

Shattered Elbow

2005-01-06T23:48:00.000+08:00

Broke my elbow yesterday. In extreme pain. Left arm in a cast. This is the very reason why people should think of padding their bathrooms.

Someone shoot me now! Please!

Or at least give me morphine shots.....

Wish You Were Here.....

2004-12-30T15:20:00.000+08:00

Wish You Were Here
Pink Floyd

So, so you think you can tell 

Heaven from Hell, blue skies from pain?

Can you tell a green field 

from a cold steel rail? 

A smile from a veil?

Do you think you can tell?



And did they get you to trade 

your heroes for ghosts? 

Hot ashes for trees?

Hot air for a cool breeze? 

Cold comfort for change?

And did you exchange a walk-on part 

in the war for a lead-role in a cage?



How I wish, how I wish you were here.

We're just two lost souls 

swimming in a fish bowl, year after year.

Running over the same old ground. 

What have we found? The same old fears.

Wish you were here.

Prayer Of The Selfish Child

2004-12-26T11:18:00.000+08:00

by Shel Silverstein

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
And if I die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my toys to break.
So none of the other kids can use 'em....
Amen.

Mortality.....

2004-12-22T13:11:00.000+08:00

It has been a year full of deaths. Loved ones, friends, friends' loved ones. I can't even remember how many wakes I have been to this year.

I remember the first one though. My own grandmother's wake. It was one of the most emotional events in my entire 25 years. I never thought burying my grandmother would be so hard. Until now, the events of late January haunt me. She still haunts me. I see her everywhere. I can feel her watching over us. This is the first Christmas we'll be spending without her being a tangible part of the family. I miss her. I wish she was still here. But that's kind of selfish. I know she's in a better place, I just hope she gives all of us strength to go on and keep the family together. It's what she wants.

I miss you grandma. Now, more than ever.

Remembering Davao

2004-12-21T23:07:00.000+08:00

A henna tattoo on my back, when my friends and I headed to Davao for the Kadayawan festival way back in August.

Where's The Pipe?!

2004-12-21T16:35:00.000+08:00

I think we found it!

Drunks & Loonies.....

2004-12-21T16:27:00.000+08:00

.....or both!

In violation of animal rights.....

2004-12-21T15:12:00.000+08:00

The poor roasted pig we had on my birthday in September.

Orbing about.....

2004-12-21T15:08:00.000+08:00

Approximately the size of my favorite tumor.....

2004-12-21T14:47:00.000+08:00

My favorite tumor. Ahahahahahaha!

Kids.....

2004-12-21T14:40:00.000+08:00

Kids are never really innocent. Behind those angelic faces lies minds that are as brilliant as adults. They are naturally curious, very smart and intelligent. They call things as they see it. They never lie.

Which is why I am more scared of kids than adults.....

Another book in my life.....

2004-07-23T16:10:00.000+08:00

I've written in so many journals/diaries about countless stories, adventures and misadventures in my life. Now I'm starting a new one. I don't know why I named it Black & White. Maybe because my life is like looking into a black & white photo. It doesn't mean it's dull, but when you look into a black& white photo, it's more dramatic, it tends to be given more meaning than a colored photo. Well, my life is just as a black & white photo.

I used to think I'm a very dull person. But recent evaluation of my entire life, I'd say I lead a pretty colorful life.

I still don't know what to make of this new blog. But I want it to be as diverse as possible. Maybe I'll share some of my works here. Maybe some of my favorite poetry, and maybe some of my favorite songs. I'll definitely be writing about myself and about my life. Who knows.....

The Ravisher

2004-07-23T01:59:00.000+08:00

From the Yellow Silk Erotic Arts & Letters book.

The Ravisher
By Charles Semones

for D.D.

I'm not what you think:

My fingers do things
you would not believe.
My tongue goes crazy
in the dead of the night.

I'm no chaste poet,
no celibate saint.

I'm not what you thought:

Rootbruised and moody,
I roil the bedclothes,
dream of you in the nude.

I'd touch your body, strike
pentecostal flames.

I'm no dry eunuch,
no earthstunned angel.

I'm not what you hoped:

I baffle the eaves
with low syllables
you may wake up to,
go by all day long.

I make siege of wind,
ravishment by fire:
with me, you might be
loveseized inside out.

I'm no tame bedmate,
no easy savior.

I'm not what you know...